New mom followed behind him as he climbed up the stairs. New Dad tried to do the same and he bonked his head on the wall.
-ND
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Milestone - Climbing Onto the Couch & Climbing Up the Stairs
Saw a head pop up on the other side of the couch and realized he had climbed onto the couch...
Monday, December 22, 2014
11 Month Milestones
Kid turned 11 months today.
He stands now. When he leans on the couch. And then he usually falls. Sometimes, we catch him.
We just realized that he could have been using his own spoon for at least a month now, but somehow tricked us into spoon-feeding him... So we're starting to hand him the spoon, saying, "Have at it."
And then he definitely "has at it."
Bathes sitting up.
Crawls everywhere.
Likes to bang the drums.
Today he woke up with a terrible rash all over his torso. We're "hoping" it's a reaction to his onesie...we'll wait and see.
Favorite book is Little Blue Truck.
Or at least, that's the one I don't hesitate to read to him twice a day.
And...
That's all I got for now. It's a Monday night. New Dad needs some sleep.
-ND
He stands now. When he leans on the couch. And then he usually falls. Sometimes, we catch him.
We just realized that he could have been using his own spoon for at least a month now, but somehow tricked us into spoon-feeding him... So we're starting to hand him the spoon, saying, "Have at it."
And then he definitely "has at it."
Bathes sitting up.
Crawls everywhere.
Likes to bang the drums.
Today he woke up with a terrible rash all over his torso. We're "hoping" it's a reaction to his onesie...we'll wait and see.
Favorite book is Little Blue Truck.
Or at least, that's the one I don't hesitate to read to him twice a day.
And...
That's all I got for now. It's a Monday night. New Dad needs some sleep.
-ND
Saturday, November 22, 2014
10 Month Birthday - Milestones
10 Month Baby Milestones (and/or a record of things the baby currently does)
Woah, I'm actually finding the time to blog on the day of his birthday. That should say something about how our lifestyles have changed these 10 months.That said, it is a Saturday, and the baby is napping, and he could wake up an any moment, and New Mom took this opportunity to hit the grocery store...
And the dog now wants out! BRB..
Back. I better type fast.
10 month milestones and stuff include:
(Apologies in advance if this is not interesting to you - ie: you are not the parents of a 10-month old baby, and/or us)
-Baby has 7 teeth. That's one more than last month.
-Crawls a LOT. Into the dog's bed is his favorite place to go. Might explain the flea bites.
-Can go from a crawling to sitting position.
-Stands with assistance. Sometimes for a minute or two.
-Really wants to crawl up the stairs. We really need to block those off...
-Sleeps from 6:30pm or 7pm to 4:30am or 5am
-CLAPS his hands when we sing "Happy and you Know It (If You're)"
-When planes fly over, he reaches out his arm to grab them. He doesn't succeed in grabbing them, but he does succeed in being really, really cute.
-Has tried lots of food - New Mom would be a lot better at filling this part in... I know he eats cooked eggs, figs, persimmons (grabs them and chews them whole), baby cereal, yogurt and figs - did I say figs" yet?
Favorite Authors
-Seuss, Dr.
-Boynton
Favorite Books
-Little Blue Truck
-Hop on Pop
-5 Busy Ducklings
-123 Baltimore
Favorite Toys
-Balls, Any
-Bouncy balls
-Rattling Balls
-Books
-Anything New Mom or New Day don't want him to have, such as the guitar, glasses (drinking and eye), phones, utensils, giant fruit, etc.
Most Amused by
-balls
-books
-Daddy kicking a ball
-Dog
-Cat
-Guitar
-Pulling leaves off a tree
-Pulling flowers off a tree
-planes
-birds
-Daddy pretending to brush his teeth
Something I haven't mention on this blog is bathing. We're still lying him down onto a large sponge-bed. Not sure when this will change. Should probably look into it.
Can't believe he's slept this long to allow this long of a post.
Better not press our luck.
Stay strong, parents.
-ND
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Milestone - Crawling and sitting up
Maybe it wasn't today, maybe it wasn't yesterday, but sometime this week he learned how to crawl and then sit up on his own.
I think it was Sunday, actually.
Or maybe not.
Parent brain!
(And parent joke, by calling it "parent brain")
-ND
I think it was Sunday, actually.
Or maybe not.
Parent brain!
(And parent joke, by calling it "parent brain")
-ND
Monday, November 10, 2014
Milestone - Crawling (4 real)
This actually happened a week or two ago, we just haven't had time to blog about it...because we've been chasing that boy all over the house.
You'd think if you just crawl, you can't get very far.
Well, you'd be wrong.
-ND
You'd think if you just crawl, you can't get very far.
Well, you'd be wrong.
-ND
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
9 Month Birthday - Milestones
Happy birthday, baby boy.
So we made it 9 months. What milestones has he reached?
1. ALMOST crawls. It's getting scary.
2. Six teeth, gnashes chunks of fruit. LOVES whole persimmons.
3. For the past few days, he slept from about 6:45pm to 5am or 6am.
4. Drinks 10-15 oz of breast milk a day
5. Throws balls. Loves doing it.
6. Stands - with less assistance than before...
Favorite books include:
1. Cow Moo Mee
2. Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?
3. Goodnight Gorilla
Listens to:
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Greatest Hits
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Greatest Hits
Lullaby albums
The kid still loves the dog, and even likes the cat. God knows why.
-ND
So we made it 9 months. What milestones has he reached?
1. ALMOST crawls. It's getting scary.
2. Six teeth, gnashes chunks of fruit. LOVES whole persimmons.
3. For the past few days, he slept from about 6:45pm to 5am or 6am.
4. Drinks 10-15 oz of breast milk a day
5. Throws balls. Loves doing it.
6. Stands - with less assistance than before...
Favorite books include:
1. Cow Moo Mee
2. Mr. Brown Can Moo, Can You?
3. Goodnight Gorilla
Listens to:
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Greatest Hits
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Greatest Hits
Lullaby albums
The kid still loves the dog, and even likes the cat. God knows why.
-ND
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Milestone - Crawling...sort of.
Today, the boy crawled for the first time.
It's about to get real.
It was a slow crawl, and he's much more comfortable rolling.
But it's still about to get real.
It's about to get real.
It was a slow crawl, and he's much more comfortable rolling.
But it's still about to get real.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
10 Things to Learn BEFORE You're a Father
This builds on a previous post How To Prepare for a Baby - Tips for Guys about to be Fathers, but you're probably fine just reading this one. Probably...
About to be a new dad? Don't sit around twiddling your thumbs for nine months. Get ready for the kid by doing these 10 things. Some are harder than others, so start today. (Seriously, TODAY.)
1a. Learn to sing
Singing can stop a baby from crying - it is one of the best skills you can have as a parent.
1b. Memorize 25 GOOD songs
You'll be singing a capella to the baby, so know those songs by heart...and preferably have slowed-down "nighttime" versions of all of them.
2. Get in shape
Carry a 15 pound medicine ball around with one hand as you do your daily chores. Switch hands often.
3. Learn to dance
Your kid will love it, and you'll always have that toy in your toolhouse, so to speak (Hint: YOU are the toy.)
4. Learn to play the guitar
Another tool. Plus, they say music is good for kids. Memorize 20 upbeat songs. Skip Cat Power, unless you want to make your kid cry.
5. Fix up the house
Make sure everything in the house and yard are as automatic as possible. Get sprinklers if you don't have them. Sprinklers EVERYWHERE.
6. Take acting classes
Because when the kid slams his head against something and it looks really painful, if you play it cool, he won't really cry...that much.
7. Learn to juggle
It will impress him. For at least 5 minutes.
8. Buy a good camera and PRACTICE with it before the baby arrives
Everyone loves baby pictures. By "Everyone," of course, I mean, your immediate family and maybe a few friends. But you'll probably take a lot of them, so they might as well be high-quality.
9. Learn photography
Because now that you have a new camera, you're in charge of photos for the family.
10. Get some sleep
Because you're not going to as soon as that kid arrives.
Seriously.
Good luck to you all, my new dad brothers.
-ND
About to be a new dad? Don't sit around twiddling your thumbs for nine months. Get ready for the kid by doing these 10 things. Some are harder than others, so start today. (Seriously, TODAY.)
1a. Learn to sing
Singing can stop a baby from crying - it is one of the best skills you can have as a parent.
1b. Memorize 25 GOOD songs
You'll be singing a capella to the baby, so know those songs by heart...and preferably have slowed-down "nighttime" versions of all of them.
2. Get in shape
Carry a 15 pound medicine ball around with one hand as you do your daily chores. Switch hands often.
3. Learn to dance
Your kid will love it, and you'll always have that toy in your toolhouse, so to speak (Hint: YOU are the toy.)
4. Learn to play the guitar
Another tool. Plus, they say music is good for kids. Memorize 20 upbeat songs. Skip Cat Power, unless you want to make your kid cry.
5. Fix up the house
Make sure everything in the house and yard are as automatic as possible. Get sprinklers if you don't have them. Sprinklers EVERYWHERE.
6. Take acting classes
Because when the kid slams his head against something and it looks really painful, if you play it cool, he won't really cry...that much.
7. Learn to juggle
It will impress him. For at least 5 minutes.
8. Buy a good camera and PRACTICE with it before the baby arrives
Everyone loves baby pictures. By "Everyone," of course, I mean, your immediate family and maybe a few friends. But you'll probably take a lot of them, so they might as well be high-quality.
9. Learn photography
Because now that you have a new camera, you're in charge of photos for the family.
10. Get some sleep
Because you're not going to as soon as that kid arrives.
Seriously.
Good luck to you all, my new dad brothers.
-ND
Friday, September 26, 2014
Eighth Month Milestones
We totally forgot about his eight month birthday.
We only remembered when neighbor M texted about it.
At first, New Mom didn't know who sent her that text. Guess that's how close we are with our neighbors - they aren't even programmed into our phones...
Also though, celebrating birthday's by months is a little tough.
So, we may forget his nine month birthday as well...
But we won't forget that 1 year b-day! I promise, son! :)
Oh, milestones.
Hmm... Almost does the sign for "more," which is banging his hands together, so he might just be trying to clap.
We only remembered when neighbor M texted about it.
At first, New Mom didn't know who sent her that text. Guess that's how close we are with our neighbors - they aren't even programmed into our phones...
Also though, celebrating birthday's by months is a little tough.
So, we may forget his nine month birthday as well...
But we won't forget that 1 year b-day! I promise, son! :)
Oh, milestones.
Hmm... Almost does the sign for "more," which is banging his hands together, so he might just be trying to clap.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
How to Sleep Train a 6-month-old Baby
In my hastily written 7 Month Milestones post I forgot our baby's largest milestone: He now goes to sleep within 10 minutes of putting him down.
I'm aware that by writing the above, I may be jinxing myself to a kid who never sleeps again...and yet, by writing this disclaimer, and by noting that I'm not writing this to brag about our situation, but to benefit others, that the jinxing gods will have mercy on us. HAVE MERCY ON US!!! (You can't be too superstitious when it comes to the baby sleeping. Seriously.)
So, how did we do it?
How do you sleep train your baby when they're six months old?
Well, here's how we did it. I believe it's call the Ferber method, but basically it was the first method we read about int Baby 411. That's a book. Look it up if you like. Or keep reading, because in the end, it doesn't matter what the method is called, it freaking works. Here's what we did:
1. Establish a bedtime routine.
We did this early on - around 4 months - by giving him a bath around the same time, then reading and winding down. And yet, we still ended up holding him and bouncing on the fitness ball for at least an hour while he slowly cried less and less.
So every night, even while we had established a routine, it took us over an hour to put him to bed.
2. Put him in the crib, say goodnight, and walk away.
It ain't easy, but it must be done.
3. Let him cry/scream for 5 minutes before checking on him.
4. Check on him, but very calmly, very lightly. Then leave quickly.
5. Listen to him scream for 10 minutes, then check on him again.
6. Repeat step 5 until the baby falls asleep.
They say it can take up to 2-3 hours the first night. We got LUCKY and he only wailed for 40 minutes.
And ever since that first night, we put him down for naps or bedtime, and he screams/cries for only about 5-10 minutes, then falls asleep on his own.
The TOUGHEST part, of course, is listening to the baby scream after you check on him. I mean, he freaking GOES CRAZY, so I recommend either ear plugs, or, if you have a large house, DISTANCE yourself from the nursery.
But set a stop watch. I used my wrist watch so I could see how long he had cried.
Of course, this may not work for everyone, blah blah blah, disclaimer, dischlaimer..,
But, it worked for us.
If you have NOT tried any sleep training, and your kid is at least 5 months old, I highly recommend this method.
As always, good luck, parents. Sleep training is joke, and I pray to the Jinxing gods (see, I haven't forgotten about you!) that you're successful.
-ND
I'm aware that by writing the above, I may be jinxing myself to a kid who never sleeps again...and yet, by writing this disclaimer, and by noting that I'm not writing this to brag about our situation, but to benefit others, that the jinxing gods will have mercy on us. HAVE MERCY ON US!!! (You can't be too superstitious when it comes to the baby sleeping. Seriously.)
So, how did we do it?
How do you sleep train your baby when they're six months old?
Well, here's how we did it. I believe it's call the Ferber method, but basically it was the first method we read about int Baby 411. That's a book. Look it up if you like. Or keep reading, because in the end, it doesn't matter what the method is called, it freaking works. Here's what we did:
1. Establish a bedtime routine.
We did this early on - around 4 months - by giving him a bath around the same time, then reading and winding down. And yet, we still ended up holding him and bouncing on the fitness ball for at least an hour while he slowly cried less and less.
So every night, even while we had established a routine, it took us over an hour to put him to bed.
2. Put him in the crib, say goodnight, and walk away.
It ain't easy, but it must be done.
3. Let him cry/scream for 5 minutes before checking on him.
4. Check on him, but very calmly, very lightly. Then leave quickly.
5. Listen to him scream for 10 minutes, then check on him again.
6. Repeat step 5 until the baby falls asleep.
They say it can take up to 2-3 hours the first night. We got LUCKY and he only wailed for 40 minutes.
And ever since that first night, we put him down for naps or bedtime, and he screams/cries for only about 5-10 minutes, then falls asleep on his own.
The TOUGHEST part, of course, is listening to the baby scream after you check on him. I mean, he freaking GOES CRAZY, so I recommend either ear plugs, or, if you have a large house, DISTANCE yourself from the nursery.
But set a stop watch. I used my wrist watch so I could see how long he had cried.
Of course, this may not work for everyone, blah blah blah, disclaimer, dischlaimer..,
But, it worked for us.
If you have NOT tried any sleep training, and your kid is at least 5 months old, I highly recommend this method.
As always, good luck, parents. Sleep training is joke, and I pray to the Jinxing gods (see, I haven't forgotten about you!) that you're successful.
-ND
Friday, September 12, 2014
7 Month Milestones
Happy birthday, baby boy. You're seven months old! (It is currently late August)
Right now, you're celebrating it by screaming your head off in the other room with New Mom.
Okay, now New Mom is back, and you're still crying.
Okay, now he started again...and I'm going to have to continue this post later...
CUT TO: The Second Week of September
Alright, I've come to realize the "milestones" are more like gradual changes, or maybe we just stopped keeping track of every little teeny tiny thing he does (Another tooth? How many is that? - Really, how many is that?)?
He's now eating some very ground up and shredded meat, his poos smell really bad, and he seems to have caught on that when you put him down to sleep, crying doesn't help, so he might as well just go to sleep...after screaming for a few minutes. (He HATES sleeping.)
Yay, we're all caught up!
Of course, the point of this thing is to keep track, so I'll try to write milestones as they come. Right now we're on the lookout for "crawl" and "first word" and "walk" (why not?). Also, holding his own bottle while he feeds would be nice... (Right now he just leans back with a "feed me, peasant!" look on his baby-king face...) Those things will come, I'm guessing...
Here's a few things that may change:
Current Favorites, or at least, things his parents push on him and he seems to like
Books:
Goodnight Moon
Goodnight Gorilla
There's a Wocket in My Pocket! (Board Book version,*)
Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You?
Books he's tired of:
The Going to Bed Book (Sorry Sandra (Boynton)!)
Music:
CCR - Greatest Hits, Volume I
Bob Marley - Legend
Lullabies...or something like that, I'm not going to go check the CD for the "official" name
Music he's tired of:
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Greatest Hits
(or at least New Mom is tired of that CD, because it is GONE)
Movies/TV:
None yet...he's only 7 months! You're not supposed to allow him to watch screens until he's 2! Bad parents would argue differently, but hey, that's why they're bad parents... (Kidding, I'm sure we'll put him in front of a screen within six months...or the next time he screams.)
Toys:
Green Shark
Mr. Sassy
Magazines, newspaper, anything that crunches and he can RIP UP
Leaves and trees - that he can RIP UP
Hates:
Clothes changes
Diaper change
And...that's all the minutiea that I can conjure up at 10pm on a Friday night. Wow, what a Friday night! Woo woo!
Oh shit, there's still dishes to do.
Yay, Friday.
-ND
* We recently discovered the board book is freaking DIFFERENT that the regular version: ie: There is NO verse that actually has a "wocket" - in a pocket, or anywhere else! What the ef, Dr. Seuss! I'm beginning to doubt your medical credentials!**
** First time anyone has made a joke questioning the "Dr." in Dr. Seuss's name...
Right now, you're celebrating it by screaming your head off in the other room with New Mom.
Okay, now New Mom is back, and you're still crying.
Okay, now he started again...and I'm going to have to continue this post later...
CUT TO: The Second Week of September
Alright, I've come to realize the "milestones" are more like gradual changes, or maybe we just stopped keeping track of every little teeny tiny thing he does (Another tooth? How many is that? - Really, how many is that?)?
He's now eating some very ground up and shredded meat, his poos smell really bad, and he seems to have caught on that when you put him down to sleep, crying doesn't help, so he might as well just go to sleep...after screaming for a few minutes. (He HATES sleeping.)
Yay, we're all caught up!
Of course, the point of this thing is to keep track, so I'll try to write milestones as they come. Right now we're on the lookout for "crawl" and "first word" and "walk" (why not?). Also, holding his own bottle while he feeds would be nice... (Right now he just leans back with a "feed me, peasant!" look on his baby-king face...) Those things will come, I'm guessing...
Here's a few things that may change:
Current Favorites, or at least, things his parents push on him and he seems to like
Books:
Goodnight Moon
Goodnight Gorilla
There's a Wocket in My Pocket! (Board Book version,*)
Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You?
Books he's tired of:
The Going to Bed Book (Sorry Sandra (Boynton)!)
Music:
CCR - Greatest Hits, Volume I
Bob Marley - Legend
Lullabies...or something like that, I'm not going to go check the CD for the "official" name
Music he's tired of:
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Greatest Hits
(or at least New Mom is tired of that CD, because it is GONE)
Movies/TV:
None yet...he's only 7 months! You're not supposed to allow him to watch screens until he's 2! Bad parents would argue differently, but hey, that's why they're bad parents... (Kidding, I'm sure we'll put him in front of a screen within six months...or the next time he screams.)
Toys:
Green Shark
Mr. Sassy
Magazines, newspaper, anything that crunches and he can RIP UP
Leaves and trees - that he can RIP UP
Hates:
Clothes changes
Diaper change
And...that's all the minutiea that I can conjure up at 10pm on a Friday night. Wow, what a Friday night! Woo woo!
Oh shit, there's still dishes to do.
Yay, Friday.
-ND
* We recently discovered the board book is freaking DIFFERENT that the regular version: ie: There is NO verse that actually has a "wocket" - in a pocket, or anywhere else! What the ef, Dr. Seuss! I'm beginning to doubt your medical credentials!**
** First time anyone has made a joke questioning the "Dr." in Dr. Seuss's name...
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Five Skills Parents Have That Non-Parents Don't Have
Thought I've only been a father for six months, I'm beginning to realize that parenthood is not just about raising a kid, it's about acquiring new skills.
...
And so, if you needed another reason to have a baby, you now have five.
----
* Yes, that. And that. And even, that.
In other words, parents are walking around with skills that non-parents don't even know exist.
1. We Can Do Everything Faster
Everything.* Seriously.
2. We Can Do Everything Quieter
We move fast (see #1) but also, silently...so we don't wake the baby. In other words, you become part ninja when you become a parent.
3. We Can Function on Less Sleep
We move fast (see #1) but also, silently...so we don't wake the baby. In other words, you become part ninja when you become a parent.
3. We Can Function on Less Sleep
I mean, a tiny amount of sleep. It's even LESS for New Moms. In fact, I don't have anything to complain about, and non-parents have less then nothing to complain about when it comes to sleep deprivation. LESS THAN NOTHING!!1!
4. We Can Drink You Under the Table Any Day of the Week
I mean, Monday thru Friday, beginning around 6pm - the moment that baby goes to sleep. Sometimes a little before.
5. We Get Important Things Done
Procrastination is for chumps and/or people without a kid.
When ten minutes frees up - holy shit, I have ten free minutes? - we get things done. Unless we want to catch up on some extra sleep.
When ten minutes frees up - holy shit, I have ten free minutes? - we get things done. Unless we want to catch up on some extra sleep.
...
And so, if you needed another reason to have a baby, you now have five.
Have a kid. Gain more skills.
Seriously.
Seriously.
-ND
----
* Yes, that. And that. And even, that.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
6 Month Birthday - Milestones
Happy six-month birthday to our boy!
Yes, that's not a real birthday. But these six months sure feel like a real year!
To celebrate, at 6pm, New Mom, baby boy, and New Dad had a small scoop of ice cream, and sang "Happy Birthday." New Mom and New Dad then ate the ice cream. Baby had a couple of small, small tastes. So small, he didn't recognize what a glorious thing he was missing out on. Sorry, boy!
Some milestones that I remember from this past month:
1. Eating solid food daily... Guess he's already eating solid food, so maybe that's not a real milestone..
2. TWO teeth - the bottom front two. They say those are usually the first two that come in. "They" appear to be right in this case.
3. Sits upright! Sort of. When he's in his soft chair, or when you prop him up.
4. Flips over on both sides. But mostly the left. Boy, does he love rolling to his left.
5. Makes more talking-like sounds.
6. First trip to the library.
7. Cries out of disappointment and anger. New Mom reminded that he used to just cry when something was wrong. Now, he cries when being put down, when a toy is taken away, or just when he's generally disappointed with the state of the world (my theory).
8. Diapers, size 3. Just now transitioning...
All in all, no dramatic milestones this month, but now that we have a 6-month old, he's definitely come a long way from being a newborn.
Except in sleeping, where he's better than he first was, but not as good as he's been.
Yes, that sounds like a Paul Simon song. That was intentional.
-ND
Yes, that's not a real birthday. But these six months sure feel like a real year!
To celebrate, at 6pm, New Mom, baby boy, and New Dad had a small scoop of ice cream, and sang "Happy Birthday." New Mom and New Dad then ate the ice cream. Baby had a couple of small, small tastes. So small, he didn't recognize what a glorious thing he was missing out on. Sorry, boy!
Some milestones that I remember from this past month:
1. Eating solid food daily... Guess he's already eating solid food, so maybe that's not a real milestone..
2. TWO teeth - the bottom front two. They say those are usually the first two that come in. "They" appear to be right in this case.
3. Sits upright! Sort of. When he's in his soft chair, or when you prop him up.
4. Flips over on both sides. But mostly the left. Boy, does he love rolling to his left.
5. Makes more talking-like sounds.
6. First trip to the library.
7. Cries out of disappointment and anger. New Mom reminded that he used to just cry when something was wrong. Now, he cries when being put down, when a toy is taken away, or just when he's generally disappointed with the state of the world (my theory).
8. Diapers, size 3. Just now transitioning...
All in all, no dramatic milestones this month, but now that we have a 6-month old, he's definitely come a long way from being a newborn.
Except in sleeping, where he's better than he first was, but not as good as he's been.
Yes, that sounds like a Paul Simon song. That was intentional.
-ND
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Milestone - First Tooth
Today the baby got his first tooth. I heard about it from New Mom who sent me a text at work.
But before I go into that, New Mom just walked by. I motioned for her to come over, which she reluctantly did. I asked her what it was like to discover our son's first tooth.
"You want me to tell you what the text was? The text isn't on your phone?" She asked, reading this post instead of answering my question.
"I'll add that later. I just wanted to know what was it like to find our son's first tooth."
"That's why you called me over here? What was it like? Surprising? I don't know. I have to go to the bathroom. Geez."
Only then did I notice the newspaper under her arm, and remember her direction of travel before I stopped her had been toward the bathroom. She returned to her original course.
Here's the part where I add the historic text message exchange marking the appearance of our son's first tooth.
New Mom: Omg, our son is getting a tooth! Bottom front.
ND: no way
ND: Tonight we feeds him steaks.
ND: On a serious note, do you want to get Chipotle for dinner tonight?
New Mom: And yogurtland!!!
ND: :)
New Mom: That emoticon came across as a square.
ND: :(
-ND
But before I go into that, New Mom just walked by. I motioned for her to come over, which she reluctantly did. I asked her what it was like to discover our son's first tooth.
"You want me to tell you what the text was? The text isn't on your phone?" She asked, reading this post instead of answering my question.
"I'll add that later. I just wanted to know what was it like to find our son's first tooth."
"That's why you called me over here? What was it like? Surprising? I don't know. I have to go to the bathroom. Geez."
Only then did I notice the newspaper under her arm, and remember her direction of travel before I stopped her had been toward the bathroom. She returned to her original course.
Here's the part where I add the historic text message exchange marking the appearance of our son's first tooth.
New Mom: Omg, our son is getting a tooth! Bottom front.
ND: no way
ND: Tonight we feeds him steaks.
ND: On a serious note, do you want to get Chipotle for dinner tonight?
New Mom: And yogurtland!!!
ND: :)
New Mom: That emoticon came across as a square.
ND: :(
-ND
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Five Month Milestones
Yay, the baby turned 5 months today! (Actually, it's three days later, and I'm back-dating this...because, well, no time!
So, 5 months today! Woo! We're in the clear - he sleeps through the night, never cries, and his poops smell like angel...food cake...
OK, not exactly.
But there are a few developments.
1. Flips over - as noted in a previous post.
2. Sleeps in his crib now - in his own room. This is a big step from the pack-in-play (or is it Pack'N'Play?) right by the bed.
Although, as I write this it's 8pm and he's wailing in his crib because he can't fall asleep. There goes New Mom to calm him down...because Daddy is staring at the computer screen with an intense look on his face as if he's engaged in some serious business.
Oh, she's back! It was quick! Thank god. That's another milestone...
3. Puts himself to sleep. You can lay him down and he'll wiggle around in the crib, and as long has he doesn't flip over on his stomach and panic because he can't flip back, well, sometimes he'll fall asleep!
And other times, he just wails.
-ND
So, 5 months today! Woo! We're in the clear - he sleeps through the night, never cries, and his poops smell like angel...food cake...
OK, not exactly.
But there are a few developments.
1. Flips over - as noted in a previous post.
2. Sleeps in his crib now - in his own room. This is a big step from the pack-in-play (or is it Pack'N'Play?) right by the bed.
Although, as I write this it's 8pm and he's wailing in his crib because he can't fall asleep. There goes New Mom to calm him down...because Daddy is staring at the computer screen with an intense look on his face as if he's engaged in some serious business.
Oh, she's back! It was quick! Thank god. That's another milestone...
3. Puts himself to sleep. You can lay him down and he'll wiggle around in the crib, and as long has he doesn't flip over on his stomach and panic because he can't flip back, well, sometimes he'll fall asleep!
And other times, he just wails.
-ND
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Two Milestones in One Day
Two milestones today.
1. Baby rolled over
From his back to his stomach - into a self-imposed tummy-time.
New Grandma says that he did it before... But I never saw that.
And today I saw him do it like, six times. So I'm counting today as the milestone.
2. Baby ate his first solid food
If you count mushed bananas mixed with breast milk as "solid food."
Which of course, we do. He ate it from a spoon! (A spoon that we saved from Yogurtland...those are GOOD SPOONS. Too good to throw away after one use...)
Well, I didn't actually see this milestone, but New Mom was nice enough to take a video of it. It's a great video, too, as New Mom set the camera down nearby while she fed the boy. Smart. Really need to set the camera down more often.
The baby is also grabbing things now. Like leaves and his bottle.
And soon, a spoon?
Seriously.
-ND
1. Baby rolled over
From his back to his stomach - into a self-imposed tummy-time.
New Grandma says that he did it before... But I never saw that.
And today I saw him do it like, six times. So I'm counting today as the milestone.
2. Baby ate his first solid food
If you count mushed bananas mixed with breast milk as "solid food."
Which of course, we do. He ate it from a spoon! (A spoon that we saved from Yogurtland...those are GOOD SPOONS. Too good to throw away after one use...)
Well, I didn't actually see this milestone, but New Mom was nice enough to take a video of it. It's a great video, too, as New Mom set the camera down nearby while she fed the boy. Smart. Really need to set the camera down more often.
The baby is also grabbing things now. Like leaves and his bottle.
And soon, a spoon?
Seriously.
-ND
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Multitasking for Dads
Before I was a parent, I used to think I was busy.
Very, very relative.
It turns out, "busy" is relative.
Very, very relative.
In fact, since we just have one kid, I hate to even call myself "busy," for those with 2, 3, or more (oh my!) would scoff, and say, "He doesn't know what ' busy' is."
Perhaps not.
Whether you're busy, Busy, or BUSY!!1!, here are a few multitasking tricks that I've discovered to help turn those 2 minutes away from the baby into the most productive two minutes of your life.
1. Showering while brushing your teeth and peeing. Don't tell New Mom about that last one...
2. Getting some exercise with a brisk walk...with the dog and baby. This is tricky. Last time, I was half way down a street before I realized me and the baby were in the street, and the dog was walking next to us on the sidewalk.
3. Washing all dirty clothes, sheets, and towels in the same load. This isn't so much multitasking as it is convenient as hell.
4. Working out while playing with the baby. Basically, the baby is down on a play mat, and New Dad is doing yoga or pushups or jumping jacks or shadow boxing right next to the baby, who gets mesmorized by a sweating daddy.
Also, this must look funny as hell to the baby, so I consider it "playing" with the baby. e baby's amusement.
Also 2 - Those pictures of babies sitting on their dad's back while he's doing pushups. Those are photoshopped.
Oh no, is that all the multitasking tricks I know so far?
God help me discover more...
-ND
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Four Month Milestones
The baby's four month birthday just passed (good time to learn what "belated" means, kid!). A few new things:
1. Grabs toes with his hand. Mostly left hand to left foot, but I swear I saw right hand to left foot. And if you guide his hand, you can get him to grab both feet at once!
2. Rolls over onto left side. Basically he lifts his legs up and falls to one side. Nice work, kid.
3. A few real laughs. Most of the time his laughs sound like he's choking. Heard a few laughs that sound like laughs.
4. Hugged his dad. Sort of. He was kind of just hanging on, while I was carrying him around... But I'll take it.
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Truths of Fatherhood
So far, there appears to be at least five self-evident, unalienable truths of being a new dad.
There could possibly be more. (For the reason why I have only discovered five fatherhood truths, please refer to the name of this site...)
Truths written in fabricated old-English...just because.
Time Hath Two Speeds: Warp Speed and Frozen
Sometimes, you'll be playing with your son and think, "I wonder if it's noon yet?"
Then you'll look at the clock and see that it's 7pm.
Other times, crying times, - and especially screaming times, when New Mom has stepped out the house and won't be back for an hour - a half-hour will pass and you'll think, "That was a long half hour."
Then you'll look at the clock and realize only 2 minutes have gone by.
Thy Will Forgeteth Thy Self
There was time when you exercised and thought the way you looked mattered.
Now, if you happen to catch your reflection in the mirror, there are times it will actually take you by surprise, and you'll think, "Jesus, that's what I look like today?"
The answer to your question is: "Not just today..."
Thy Sleep Trick Only Works Once Per Day
Oh, bouncing on the fitness ball while cradling him in your arms put him to sleep? Nice work.
But wait, he's up again. And he will not be soothed by bouncing. I repeat, bouncing will not work, dad. Get creative.
There Is No Morning, Afternoon, Evening - Thy Day Is Divided In Two: Coffee Time and Miller Time.*
It's up to you to decide when one ends, and the other begins. At this moment, it is 5pm on a Sunday, and we're still in Coffee Time. Next Sunday, however, this same time could be many hours "Miller Time."
Whatever Thy Does Not Wish To Land On The Floor, WILL Land On The Floor
Burp cloth? Check. Pacifier? Yep. Your own food? Of course. Shoes? Sometimes.
Whenever Thou Wishes To Make The LEAST Amount Of Noise, Thou Will Surely Be The Loudest
Let me just pick up this water glass...I mean, drop it on a metal pan, and have both come crashing to the floor...as has never happened in the history of mankind.
While Mom Feedith Thy Baby, Thou Shalt Be Productive
This one got its own entire post.. Check it out: What To Do While Your Wife Nurses
Thy Burp Cloths Will Be Sparse When Needed, Abundant When Not Needed
If Mom Asketh How Goeth Thy Sleep, Never Sayith "Good."
The only acceptable answer is "OK" and even that takes finess to get the tone just right: not too heavy, not too light.
---
Is that five fatherhood truths already?
No it's eight. Here's the ninth.
Thou Shalt Loose Many Brain Functions, Including The Ability To Count
Seriously
-ND
---
*A common expression for the time of day in which one begins injecting alcoholic beverages. Most likely etymology: beer commercials of the 1970s and 1980s.
There could possibly be more. (For the reason why I have only discovered five fatherhood truths, please refer to the name of this site...)
Truths written in fabricated old-English...just because.
Time Hath Two Speeds: Warp Speed and Frozen
Sometimes, you'll be playing with your son and think, "I wonder if it's noon yet?"
Then you'll look at the clock and see that it's 7pm.
Other times, crying times, - and especially screaming times, when New Mom has stepped out the house and won't be back for an hour - a half-hour will pass and you'll think, "That was a long half hour."
Then you'll look at the clock and realize only 2 minutes have gone by.
Thy Will Forgeteth Thy Self
There was time when you exercised and thought the way you looked mattered.
Now, if you happen to catch your reflection in the mirror, there are times it will actually take you by surprise, and you'll think, "Jesus, that's what I look like today?"
The answer to your question is: "Not just today..."
Thy Sleep Trick Only Works Once Per Day
Oh, bouncing on the fitness ball while cradling him in your arms put him to sleep? Nice work.
But wait, he's up again. And he will not be soothed by bouncing. I repeat, bouncing will not work, dad. Get creative.
There Is No Morning, Afternoon, Evening - Thy Day Is Divided In Two: Coffee Time and Miller Time.*
It's up to you to decide when one ends, and the other begins. At this moment, it is 5pm on a Sunday, and we're still in Coffee Time. Next Sunday, however, this same time could be many hours "Miller Time."
Whatever Thy Does Not Wish To Land On The Floor, WILL Land On The Floor
Burp cloth? Check. Pacifier? Yep. Your own food? Of course. Shoes? Sometimes.
Whenever Thou Wishes To Make The LEAST Amount Of Noise, Thou Will Surely Be The Loudest
Let me just pick up this water glass...I mean, drop it on a metal pan, and have both come crashing to the floor...as has never happened in the history of mankind.
While Mom Feedith Thy Baby, Thou Shalt Be Productive
This one got its own entire post.. Check it out: What To Do While Your Wife Nurses
Thy Burp Cloths Will Be Sparse When Needed, Abundant When Not Needed
If Mom Asketh How Goeth Thy Sleep, Never Sayith "Good."
The only acceptable answer is "OK" and even that takes finess to get the tone just right: not too heavy, not too light.
---
Is that five fatherhood truths already?
No it's eight. Here's the ninth.
Thou Shalt Loose Many Brain Functions, Including The Ability To Count
Seriously
-ND
---
*A common expression for the time of day in which one begins injecting alcoholic beverages. Most likely etymology: beer commercials of the 1970s and 1980s.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
The Two Most Relevant Movie Moments to Fatherhood
The two scenes - well, actually moments - that keep coming to mind with this kid are not what you think. They're not some parenting movie, they're not even movies with kids. They're
1. Indiana Jones, weighing the sand bag, attempting to snatching the idol, and then..snatch! He got it! He's home free! Except....oh no..
It's like that, except the giant boulder is a screaming kid. You didn't lay him down smooth enough.
2. The scene in HEAT where De Niro tells Pacino: Do not let yourself get attached to anything that you can't leave in 30 seconds if you feel the heat coming around the corner...
In other words, don't start any 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles in the living room...or any project that you can't walk away from in 30 seconds or less if you feel the heat (a.k.a. baby screaming) coming from the other room..
1. Indiana Jones, weighing the sand bag, attempting to snatching the idol, and then..snatch! He got it! He's home free! Except....oh no..
It's like that, except the giant boulder is a screaming kid. You didn't lay him down smooth enough.
2. The scene in HEAT where De Niro tells Pacino: Do not let yourself get attached to anything that you can't leave in 30 seconds if you feel the heat coming around the corner...
In other words, don't start any 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles in the living room...or any project that you can't walk away from in 30 seconds or less if you feel the heat (a.k.a. baby screaming) coming from the other room..
Sunday, April 27, 2014
What to Do While Your Wife Nurses the Baby
What To Do While Your Wife Nurses the Baby
You might think that the time while your wife nurses the baby is free time for new dads, where you can sit back, have a cold one, and watch the "game."Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Remember everything you were planning on getting done, but then you had to go to work or watch the baby or go to work or watch the baby or eat or sleep or go to work or watch the baby?
What are those things? Here are a few.*
-Wash the dishes from yesterday
-Fold the clothes from three days ago
-Put air in the car tires, so that warning light that came on two weeks ago will go away.
-Buy milk
-Walk the sad, sad, dog.
-50+ other equally urgent things...
-Exercise! (Just kidding! Ha ha ha ha ha ha)
What you DON'T want to do: Waste time.
Because if she has to do something - feed the kid - why do you get to relax?
And before you say it, no, "sleep" is not relaxing. Sleep is legitimate free time.
In other words, if your partner is feeding or taking care of the baby and thinks your not doing something to contribute, that could spell trouble.
Of course, you can relax ever now and then. But maybe do it when MOM is also relaxing. That way, one person won't feel like they're missing out.
And if you do try to relax while she nurses the baby, you have be be very, very slick.
In other words, when she asks, (hypothetically), "What you are doing on the computer?
Always answer, "Paying bills."
Do NOT say, "just surfing the internet," "watching YouTube videos," or especially, "writing a blog about what not to do while your wife is nursing."
You might think that last one would get at least a chuckle.
But there's really no energy to chuckle.
In other words, I gotta go.
Good luck, and get some sleep.
-ND
---
* I'm not creating hypothetical errands - this is actually a list of things I should be doing instead of blogging.
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Three Month Milestones
The baby just passed his 3 month "birthday."
Milestones include:
-Grabbing things, like his shirt
-lying around unattended (I mean, we're just in the other room, but we don't have to hold him, and he doesn't go apeshit)
-Occasionally sleeping 4-7 hour stretches. Only done the 7-hr stretch a couple times... Really wish that would happen more often, and a little later than 8pm-3am...
-Palmed a small, tiger-faced ball and threw it. I know this is involentary, but I gotta mark it down *
-First trip to Costco (also, second trip)
-First trip to Ralphs (sorry, kid, I know their selection and quality is sub-par)
-Walks in stroller are better, and is even OK when the dog comes along
Parents' milestones
-Eat most meals while he lies down
-Most evenings free
-Starting to take baby on more walks / outings
-ND
* 4-23-14 - Baby's first throw / fastball / hook-shot (baby hook?). Seriously.
Milestones include:
-Grabbing things, like his shirt
-lying around unattended (I mean, we're just in the other room, but we don't have to hold him, and he doesn't go apeshit)
-Occasionally sleeping 4-7 hour stretches. Only done the 7-hr stretch a couple times... Really wish that would happen more often, and a little later than 8pm-3am...
-Palmed a small, tiger-faced ball and threw it. I know this is involentary, but I gotta mark it down *
-First trip to Costco (also, second trip)
-First trip to Ralphs (sorry, kid, I know their selection and quality is sub-par)
-Walks in stroller are better, and is even OK when the dog comes along
Parents' milestones
-Eat most meals while he lies down
-Most evenings free
-Starting to take baby on more walks / outings
-ND
* 4-23-14 - Baby's first throw / fastball / hook-shot (baby hook?). Seriously.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Milestone: Grabbing things
Sometime a few days ago, the boy started grabbing things.
He could always grab your finger when you put it in his hand. He did that in the recovery room right after he was born.
But now he can grab things. I noticed he grabbed my hair and my shirt last week while I was holding him on my shoulder, but thought maybe his hand just got caught.
Then, a few days ago, he grabbed his diaper while I was changing him. He had it in his right hand, and I had to tug it away from him. There was no arguing with him to convince him that no, he did not want to be holding this dirty diaper.
Now he grabs his knees sometimes when he's getting changed, or his swaddle blanket, or the horse-rattle thing on his changing table.
He could always grab your finger when you put it in his hand. He did that in the recovery room right after he was born.
But now he can grab things. I noticed he grabbed my hair and my shirt last week while I was holding him on my shoulder, but thought maybe his hand just got caught.
Then, a few days ago, he grabbed his diaper while I was changing him. He had it in his right hand, and I had to tug it away from him. There was no arguing with him to convince him that no, he did not want to be holding this dirty diaper.
Now he grabs his knees sometimes when he's getting changed, or his swaddle blanket, or the horse-rattle thing on his changing table.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Best Raymond Chandler Books - A List
*Edited November 2014 - Read some more Chandler, added some more books to the ranking...
So far, I've read more for pleasure than I have in many, many years. (I would say how many years it has been, but I'm too tired to remember.)
Reading is one of those things you can do for recreation and not feel like you're wasting time. And of course, you can do it with one hand as your newborn sleeps on your shoulder and you'll be damned if you're moving this time, no, you're going to let him sleep there for the next hour or two (hopefully!) and not risk any movement.
In the case of the latter, it's helpful to have a book handy. So far, I've read only Raymond Chandler books. Some of them, in parts, out loud to my son. Don't worry, he wasn't harmed.
If you've never heard of, or read Raymond Chandler, I'll skip the obligatory "What the hell is wrong with you!" and just say, "You're missing out."
Here's Raymond Chandler's Wikipedia page. Yep, he wrote detective novels in the 1930s-1950s. They're mostly set in the Los Angeles area. The main character is the same - Phillip Marlowe.
And Chandler really is the master.
If you like writing, Los Angeles, or the 1930s-1950s, you should eat this stuff up. I know I do.
So, here's my breakdown so far of the Raymond Chandler books I've read while having a newborn, And if I can read them with a baby and a full time job, you can read them too.
Here they are, listed in order of best to worst.
1. The High Window
You get it all - great plot twists, crazy characters, and a whole lot of smart talk - especially between Marlowe and the old, wealthy woman.
This is Chandler in fine form. Not as much good "women" but that's OK, because I always found that to be the weakest part of Chandler novels. Yeah, his dames usually don't quite hold up. Yes, there are exceptions, and they will be mentioned.
2. Farewell, My Lovely
Amazing scenes and a full, rich, disturbing world. The wandering story that somehow ties together at the end. But story doesn't matter, as this one is all about just going along with Marlowe, and digging deeper and deeper until he's literally under water.
3. The Lady in The Lake
A little uneven as it has two locations - the lake and the city. But it's still quality stuff, and the old sheriff at the lake is one of the best secondary characters Chandler ever created.
4. Playback
Playback is a short, quick, flurry of a novel, and the best introduction to Chandler's works. Hear me out.
Read somewhere that this was supposed to be a screenplay. Makes sense, as it reads like a movie. As Chandler explains in his introduction to Trouble Is My Business (below), his main goal in writing is to write a good scene.
There are enough good scenes in this one to carry the story, which is basically Marlowe going down to the San Diego area to check out a missing woman situation. Oh yes, there are women. And murder. (or is there?)
This book reads so, so quickly and has fast witty dialog and sassy scenes, that it leaves you wanting more. Which is why it's probably the best introduction to Chandler for the newcomer...
5. The Big Sleep
His most famous book, and also his first. There's a lot of the "pulp" formula, where EVERYTHING is revealed in the last few pages, but it's still very solid stuff.
Also, you'll realize THE BIG LEBOWSKI stole so much from this book. Including the title. Sort of.
6. The Long Goodbye
Holy sh*t, a title has never been more appropriate. The "goodbye" is really long, as are the scenes. It's long on characters, short on plot, but still has enough mystery to keep you going until the end.
7. The Little Sister
I read somewhere that Chandler spent a lot of time in Hollywood, and then he wrote this book. That's what it feels like - a big middle finger to show business. Still readable, and Chandler manages to throw in some unforgettable writing.
8. Trouble Is My Business
Collection of short stories - about 50 pages each - Chandler wrote for pulp magazines throughout his career. The introduction is by far the best part, written by the master himself. Chandler basically apologies for the stories, saying he was constrained by editors who just wanted sex and violence, but also talks spouts off on a few different topics, including writing and why the genre he wrote in never gets any respect.
And after reading the stories, you realize the reason for the apologies. These stories are pretty weak.
The first, eponymous story, is rough stuff. Marlowe isn't that likable, as he cares more about doing a job for the money than in any other story.
The other three are a lot better, but still, filled with way too many shootings than necessary, and way too little sassyness from Marlowe.
9. Poodle Springs
This is the last Chandler that I read. Just when I thought I had read all of Chandler, Amazon has to rear it's ugly head and say, Hey! Did you know he co-wrote one last book!
Apparently Chandler wrote four chapters of this one, and a modern-day writer (Robert Parker) wrote the rest. To say, "it shows," is like saying you can tell the difference between the original Star Trek and Star Trek the next generation.
Yeah, no shit it's different, but it's the same world, and every once in a while Marlowe seems like the old Marlowe. And by the time you realize that there are many imperfect parts (Would Marlowe really say, "Yowza," or point at someone with his hands pretending it's a gun?) you're too invested in the story to put it down.
10. The Simple Art of Murder
Another collection of short stories. Introductory essay is great. Stories, not so much, except the last one. In fact, just read the intro and the final story. Seriously.
Alright. Now I'm done.
I think.
Onto Hammett. (No, really.)
So far, I've read more for pleasure than I have in many, many years. (I would say how many years it has been, but I'm too tired to remember.)
Reading is one of those things you can do for recreation and not feel like you're wasting time. And of course, you can do it with one hand as your newborn sleeps on your shoulder and you'll be damned if you're moving this time, no, you're going to let him sleep there for the next hour or two (hopefully!) and not risk any movement.
In the case of the latter, it's helpful to have a book handy. So far, I've read only Raymond Chandler books. Some of them, in parts, out loud to my son. Don't worry, he wasn't harmed.
If you've never heard of, or read Raymond Chandler, I'll skip the obligatory "What the hell is wrong with you!" and just say, "You're missing out."
Here's Raymond Chandler's Wikipedia page. Yep, he wrote detective novels in the 1930s-1950s. They're mostly set in the Los Angeles area. The main character is the same - Phillip Marlowe.
And Chandler really is the master.
If you like writing, Los Angeles, or the 1930s-1950s, you should eat this stuff up. I know I do.
So, here's my breakdown so far of the Raymond Chandler books I've read while having a newborn, And if I can read them with a baby and a full time job, you can read them too.
Here they are, listed in order of best to worst.
1. The High Window
You get it all - great plot twists, crazy characters, and a whole lot of smart talk - especially between Marlowe and the old, wealthy woman.
This is Chandler in fine form. Not as much good "women" but that's OK, because I always found that to be the weakest part of Chandler novels. Yeah, his dames usually don't quite hold up. Yes, there are exceptions, and they will be mentioned.
2. Farewell, My Lovely
Amazing scenes and a full, rich, disturbing world. The wandering story that somehow ties together at the end. But story doesn't matter, as this one is all about just going along with Marlowe, and digging deeper and deeper until he's literally under water.
3. The Lady in The Lake
A little uneven as it has two locations - the lake and the city. But it's still quality stuff, and the old sheriff at the lake is one of the best secondary characters Chandler ever created.
4. Playback
Playback is a short, quick, flurry of a novel, and the best introduction to Chandler's works. Hear me out.
Read somewhere that this was supposed to be a screenplay. Makes sense, as it reads like a movie. As Chandler explains in his introduction to Trouble Is My Business (below), his main goal in writing is to write a good scene.
There are enough good scenes in this one to carry the story, which is basically Marlowe going down to the San Diego area to check out a missing woman situation. Oh yes, there are women. And murder. (or is there?)
This book reads so, so quickly and has fast witty dialog and sassy scenes, that it leaves you wanting more. Which is why it's probably the best introduction to Chandler for the newcomer...
5. The Big Sleep
His most famous book, and also his first. There's a lot of the "pulp" formula, where EVERYTHING is revealed in the last few pages, but it's still very solid stuff.
Also, you'll realize THE BIG LEBOWSKI stole so much from this book. Including the title. Sort of.
6. The Long Goodbye
Holy sh*t, a title has never been more appropriate. The "goodbye" is really long, as are the scenes. It's long on characters, short on plot, but still has enough mystery to keep you going until the end.
7. The Little Sister
I read somewhere that Chandler spent a lot of time in Hollywood, and then he wrote this book. That's what it feels like - a big middle finger to show business. Still readable, and Chandler manages to throw in some unforgettable writing.
8. Trouble Is My Business
Collection of short stories - about 50 pages each - Chandler wrote for pulp magazines throughout his career. The introduction is by far the best part, written by the master himself. Chandler basically apologies for the stories, saying he was constrained by editors who just wanted sex and violence, but also talks spouts off on a few different topics, including writing and why the genre he wrote in never gets any respect.
And after reading the stories, you realize the reason for the apologies. These stories are pretty weak.
The first, eponymous story, is rough stuff. Marlowe isn't that likable, as he cares more about doing a job for the money than in any other story.
The other three are a lot better, but still, filled with way too many shootings than necessary, and way too little sassyness from Marlowe.
9. Poodle Springs
This is the last Chandler that I read. Just when I thought I had read all of Chandler, Amazon has to rear it's ugly head and say, Hey! Did you know he co-wrote one last book!
Apparently Chandler wrote four chapters of this one, and a modern-day writer (Robert Parker) wrote the rest. To say, "it shows," is like saying you can tell the difference between the original Star Trek and Star Trek the next generation.
Yeah, no shit it's different, but it's the same world, and every once in a while Marlowe seems like the old Marlowe. And by the time you realize that there are many imperfect parts (Would Marlowe really say, "Yowza," or point at someone with his hands pretending it's a gun?) you're too invested in the story to put it down.
10. The Simple Art of Murder
Another collection of short stories. Introductory essay is great. Stories, not so much, except the last one. In fact, just read the intro and the final story. Seriously.
Alright. Now I'm done.
I think.
Onto Hammett. (No, really.)
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Why Babies Cry - Theory One
I write "Theory One" partly in jest - it's not as if I'm going to have a lot theories...it's just that, well, just in case I do come up with one or two more guesses (theories), I won't have to go back and change the title of this one. Fatherhood is about planning ahead, people.
Babies cry because they don't like being babies.
While they are cute to us, imagine being a baby. You don't know what's going on most of the time. You don't know where your food comes from, how to control your hands, or how they hell you ended sitting in a poo-filled diaper...
Not to mention, you don't know who these people are who keep sticking their face in your viewing area. "People, I'm trying to see the vent. Can't you see I'm staring at the air vent? Get your Jim Carrey impression-making face out of the way!"
The confusion, really, has to be the toughest part of being a baby. One minute you're on your back in a bed-like area. The next minute? Hoisted into the air, pants ripped off, and someone wiping your junk with a wet cloth.
And how do you know if that's a different wet cloth than the time before?
That type of confusion - that can cause a lot of crying.
Seriously.
Babies cry because they don't like being babies.
While they are cute to us, imagine being a baby. You don't know what's going on most of the time. You don't know where your food comes from, how to control your hands, or how they hell you ended sitting in a poo-filled diaper...
Not to mention, you don't know who these people are who keep sticking their face in your viewing area. "People, I'm trying to see the vent. Can't you see I'm staring at the air vent? Get your Jim Carrey impression-making face out of the way!"
The confusion, really, has to be the toughest part of being a baby. One minute you're on your back in a bed-like area. The next minute? Hoisted into the air, pants ripped off, and someone wiping your junk with a wet cloth.
And how do you know if that's a different wet cloth than the time before?
That type of confusion - that can cause a lot of crying.
Seriously.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Two Month Milestones
Today, the baby boy turned two months old.
Some milestones so far include:
-Stares at hands
-Stares at feet
-Smiles
-Coos (Cooes?)
-Makes pterodactyl squealing sounds (according to New Mom)
-Makes sounds like he's mimicking our voices
-Cries louder than before, sometimes with a high-pitch wail thrown in there for good measure
-Sleeps 3 to 3 1/2 hour stretches every once in a while, mostly starting at 7pm, which is great for dinner, but not so great during the night when he only sleeps for 2 hours at a time...
-Getting heavier and longer...(or are we imagining this?)
We'll see. Headed to the doctor in a few days for the "two-month" checkup, which I'm pretty sure is a just shots.
And not the good kind of shots.
And by the "good kind" I mean, alcohol.
But it'll be good to ask the doctor things like, "Why does he get a bunch of rashes on his face?" and "When he stops breathing, should we worry?" and "What the heck are all these shots for?"
Things like that.
Some milestones so far include:
-Stares at hands
-Stares at feet
-Smiles
-Coos (Cooes?)
-Makes pterodactyl squealing sounds (according to New Mom)
-Makes sounds like he's mimicking our voices
-Cries louder than before, sometimes with a high-pitch wail thrown in there for good measure
-Sleeps 3 to 3 1/2 hour stretches every once in a while, mostly starting at 7pm, which is great for dinner, but not so great during the night when he only sleeps for 2 hours at a time...
-Getting heavier and longer...(or are we imagining this?)
We'll see. Headed to the doctor in a few days for the "two-month" checkup, which I'm pretty sure is a just shots.
And not the good kind of shots.
And by the "good kind" I mean, alcohol.
But it'll be good to ask the doctor things like, "Why does he get a bunch of rashes on his face?" and "When he stops breathing, should we worry?" and "What the heck are all these shots for?"
Things like that.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
Songs Sung (Poorly) to the Baby
So far, I have sung the following songs - in partial or their entirety - mostly partial, but all a capella, to one captive audience (especially when swaddled) known as our baby boy - and sometimes s fleeting wife.
This is why I recommend to all fathers-to-be to LEARN AS MANY COOL SONGS AS YOU CAN BEFORE YOU KID IS BORN.
Okay, here's the list...or at least, what I remember singing so far. I take no responsibility for songs I don't remember singing to him, though I'm sure there have been many....
THREE LITTLE BIRDS - Bob Marley
RED AND BLACK - Les Miserables
SANTARIA - Sublime
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE - The Beatles
SITTIN' ON THE DOCK OF THE BAY - Otis Redding
DO RE MI - The Sound of Music
FELIZ NAVIDAD - Jose Feliciano (or Traditional?)
JIMMY CRACK CORN - Traditional, or so I thought...just looked it up and it turns out this is a minstrel song! (Wikipedia entry for Jimmy Crack Corn) Holy smokes! But it's actually about slaves rejoicing because their master fell and "cracked" his head open. Hmm.. That's not as bad, I suppose.. )
Of these, he's taken to "Three Little Birds" the best.
And by "taken" I mean, cries the least at.
Not sure what his mother has sung to him - as she is too shy to sing in front of me - but I'm sure it's a better list than this.
More to come, I'm sure... As well as poorly sung repeats of the songs above.
Sorry, kid!
This is why I recommend to all fathers-to-be to LEARN AS MANY COOL SONGS AS YOU CAN BEFORE YOU KID IS BORN.
Okay, here's the list...or at least, what I remember singing so far. I take no responsibility for songs I don't remember singing to him, though I'm sure there have been many....
THREE LITTLE BIRDS - Bob Marley
RED AND BLACK - Les Miserables
SANTARIA - Sublime
ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE - The Beatles
SITTIN' ON THE DOCK OF THE BAY - Otis Redding
DO RE MI - The Sound of Music
FELIZ NAVIDAD - Jose Feliciano (or Traditional?)
JIMMY CRACK CORN - Traditional, or so I thought...just looked it up and it turns out this is a minstrel song! (Wikipedia entry for Jimmy Crack Corn) Holy smokes! But it's actually about slaves rejoicing because their master fell and "cracked" his head open. Hmm.. That's not as bad, I suppose.. )
Of these, he's taken to "Three Little Birds" the best.
And by "taken" I mean, cries the least at.
Not sure what his mother has sung to him - as she is too shy to sing in front of me - but I'm sure it's a better list than this.
More to come, I'm sure... As well as poorly sung repeats of the songs above.
Sorry, kid!
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Milestone - First Nose Pick
Today the baby boy stuck his finger in his nose for the first time.
He did it rather slyly, while he was on my shoulder, perhaps not knowing that I could catch his reflection in the nearby mirror.
Not sure where he learned how to do it, or if it's just a natural movement.
Really, I'm not sure.
Okay, I may have had a quick pick the other day...it's dry here!
He did it rather slyly, while he was on my shoulder, perhaps not knowing that I could catch his reflection in the nearby mirror.
Not sure where he learned how to do it, or if it's just a natural movement.
Really, I'm not sure.
Okay, I may have had a quick pick the other day...it's dry here!
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Baby Milestones at 6 weeks
The baby is now six and a half weeks old.
Some recent milestones include:
1. Smiling
2. Staring at his feet
For anyone who has never had a baby, I can see how that may not not sound like much...
But for those with babies, isn't that great!? :)
BABY'S FIRST SMILE
As for his first smile, I don't remember it exactly.
It was last week some time...I remember the father-in-law was over, playing with (holding) the baby, and said: "He smiled at me!" At which point I thought: "Yeah right, I look at that kid all the time, and he doesn't really smile."
But the next day (or was it the day after? Who knows, we have a (semi) newborn!) on the changing table, the boy looked at me and smiled. He had shaped his mouth in a smile-like way before, but this was different - his eyes changed in that way that happens when you smile... He was smiling with his whole face!
So maybe the father-in-law did see him smile... I'm still not convinced.
Anyhow, the boy smiles every day now, so that's great.
He also cries every day. A lot more than he smiles. Which is OK, because he's smiling now sometimes. (It was also OK before, but better now, because he smiles....)
BABY'S STARES AT FEET FOR FIRST TIME
There's really not much to say here. I'm not sure why he hadn't seen his feet before. But today he was naked with just the diaper on, and lifted his feet and looked at it. I've got some of it on video, I think, or at the very least, the wife and I talking about how he looked at his feet for the first time...
Alright, that's it for milestone(s). Time to see if we can get this kid to sleep.
Ah, sleeping more than 3 hours at a time. That's a milestone you will see on here IN ALL CAPS LIKE THIS.
Seriously.
Some recent milestones include:
1. Smiling
2. Staring at his feet
For anyone who has never had a baby, I can see how that may not not sound like much...
But for those with babies, isn't that great!? :)
BABY'S FIRST SMILE
As for his first smile, I don't remember it exactly.
It was last week some time...I remember the father-in-law was over, playing with (holding) the baby, and said: "He smiled at me!" At which point I thought: "Yeah right, I look at that kid all the time, and he doesn't really smile."
But the next day (or was it the day after? Who knows, we have a (semi) newborn!) on the changing table, the boy looked at me and smiled. He had shaped his mouth in a smile-like way before, but this was different - his eyes changed in that way that happens when you smile... He was smiling with his whole face!
So maybe the father-in-law did see him smile... I'm still not convinced.
Anyhow, the boy smiles every day now, so that's great.
He also cries every day. A lot more than he smiles. Which is OK, because he's smiling now sometimes. (It was also OK before, but better now, because he smiles....)
BABY'S STARES AT FEET FOR FIRST TIME
There's really not much to say here. I'm not sure why he hadn't seen his feet before. But today he was naked with just the diaper on, and lifted his feet and looked at it. I've got some of it on video, I think, or at the very least, the wife and I talking about how he looked at his feet for the first time...
Alright, that's it for milestone(s). Time to see if we can get this kid to sleep.
Ah, sleeping more than 3 hours at a time. That's a milestone you will see on here IN ALL CAPS LIKE THIS.
Seriously.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
6 week birthday / last pampers N diaper
Today the kid is 6 weeks old!
Feels like 5 weeks.
I seriously think it's only been 5 weeks.
But I don't have time to look at a calendar.
The wife says 6 weeks, so who am I to argue.
For his birthday, the boy is using the last Pampers Newborn (N) diaper.
It's on to diapers marked with a 1.
Watch out, world.
Feels like 5 weeks.
I seriously think it's only been 5 weeks.
But I don't have time to look at a calendar.
The wife says 6 weeks, so who am I to argue.
For his birthday, the boy is using the last Pampers Newborn (N) diaper.
It's on to diapers marked with a 1.
Watch out, world.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Baby Nicknames
Just to keep track, here are some nicknames we've been calling our baby boy:
MOST COMMON
Mr. Wiggles
Mr. Squirmy Squirm
Mr. Poopy Pants
Little Worm
Sad Face
Mr. Suspicious
Monkey
Our Little Monkey
Mr. Hiccups
Bright Eyes
LESS COMMON / SITUATIONAL
Mr. One Sock Poopy Pants
Mr. Kicky Kicks
Mr. Pee Diaper
Poopy Foot
Pee Face
Burrito
Smashy Face
NICKNAMES MY WIFE DOES NOT BELIEVE I CALL HIM (BUT I DO)
(OR DO I?)
(I'M NOT BEING MYSTERIOUS,
I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER...)
I REALLY CAN'T REMEMBER...)
L.L. Cool Baby
The Amazing Technicolor Poop Machine
Chimichanga
24601
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Baby loses belly button cord / umbilical cord end / whatever that nub was called
Baby's umbilical cord black crust finally fell off after exactly three weeks.
Baby's mama saved the hard black stub for me so when I got home, I could throw it away.
But not before she took a picture of it, and made jokes about putting in my cereal. (It looks like a raison. Sort of...)
---
Also today, baby sucked his thumb, probably for the first time, but who really knows.
Baby's mama saved the hard black stub for me so when I got home, I could throw it away.
But not before she took a picture of it, and made jokes about putting in my cereal. (It looks like a raison. Sort of...)
---
Also today, baby sucked his thumb, probably for the first time, but who really knows.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Power Out With Baby on Lap
Power was out most of today, from 9:15am to now! (What the ef!)
Called the mayor on her cell phone - and she picked up! Love small cities.
But she couldn't do anything about it...it's...er...out of her power. :-/
We had McDonalds for dinner. By candlelight. Baby slept most of the evening! Happy Valentine's Day, baby! (In this last context, "baby" refers to the wife.)
Editor's note: The power would come back on just over 30 minutes after this post went up - at 12:30am. Meaning it was off for 15 hours and 15 minutes. What the fuck, indeed.
Called the mayor on her cell phone - and she picked up! Love small cities.
But she couldn't do anything about it...it's...er...out of her power. :-/
We had McDonalds for dinner. By candlelight. Baby slept most of the evening! Happy Valentine's Day, baby! (In this last context, "baby" refers to the wife.)
Editor's note: The power would come back on just over 30 minutes after this post went up - at 12:30am. Meaning it was off for 15 hours and 15 minutes. What the fuck, indeed.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Watching TV with a Newborn
Watched 3 hours of boring Winter Olympics tonight with the baby asleep on the lap.
Pediatrician recommended no TV until the baby is 2 years old.
But the baby was facing AWAY from the TV, so I'm pretty sure tonight doesn't count.
Pretty sure.
Pediatrician recommended no TV until the baby is 2 years old.
But the baby was facing AWAY from the TV, so I'm pretty sure tonight doesn't count.
Pretty sure.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Baby poops very loudly
When the baby poops, he poops very loudly.
Not all of the time, but most of the time.
As if he is holding it in, and waiting for his time.
And then it's BAM. Louder than I could possibly do myself.
Which is great, in the sense that we know when he's pooed.
And it's a pretty funny sound.
But then my wife brought up this valid point: "What if it's difficult for him to poo and so he has to push it all out at once?"
So now we're concerned about his loud poos...but not too worried, because we're first time parents, and we know we worry about everything, including, but not limited to, the decibel level of poops.
Not all of the time, but most of the time.
As if he is holding it in, and waiting for his time.
And then it's BAM. Louder than I could possibly do myself.
Which is great, in the sense that we know when he's pooed.
And it's a pretty funny sound.
But then my wife brought up this valid point: "What if it's difficult for him to poo and so he has to push it all out at once?"
So now we're concerned about his loud poos...but not too worried, because we're first time parents, and we know we worry about everything, including, but not limited to, the decibel level of poops.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Peed on me while changing a diaper. Three times.
If every time a father was peed on an angel got his wings, there'd be a lot of angels with wings...
And one more tonight.
Anyhow, I've really got to learn how to change a diaper without getting peed on. This is ridiculous.
Today, my son tried to pee in his own face while lying on his back. A worthy feat, but I blocked his accomplishment by putting up my hand, thus preventing him from swallowing urine.
By his crying, I don't think my son fully appreciated my efforts.
Another time his pee hit the wall next to the changing table. Good shot, I said. And then cleaned it up.
And one more tonight.
Anyhow, I've really got to learn how to change a diaper without getting peed on. This is ridiculous.
Today, my son tried to pee in his own face while lying on his back. A worthy feat, but I blocked his accomplishment by putting up my hand, thus preventing him from swallowing urine.
By his crying, I don't think my son fully appreciated my efforts.
Another time his pee hit the wall next to the changing table. Good shot, I said. And then cleaned it up.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Welcome To "New Dad's Blog" ("First Time Dad Blog" was taken)
This is a blog from me, ND, (New Dad), a FTD (First Time Dad) in Los Angeles, CA. (California)
It will probably end up mostly being a boring, self-absorbed account of my (lack of) parenting skills.
Hopefully it will be humorous. I'll try to put the more "humorous" posts in one place, so you can skip to those.
This is not one of them. (Sorry!)
Beyond a record of my son's life, and mild amusement, the final hope is this blog will help other first-time fathers feel good about how they're going in some small way. I'm (slowly) learning that parenting is all a big mess, and we're trying to just trying to juggle our way through it.
There's an apt metaphor in there somewhere.
There may or may not be pictures. It's not as if there's a committee, I just haven't given it much thought.
Lastly, apologies in advance for the typing errors, typos, overuse of parentheses (hey!), etc. I'm writing fast because you never know when that boy will cry, or when New Mom will find out I'm blogging instead of doing dishes.
In fact, New Mom just told me there are ants in the kitchen, and "someone" left the freezer open a crack last night.
Who is this "someone" messing everything up?
Anyhow, enjoy the blog. I've got to go. Signing off as...
-ND (New Dad)
It will probably end up mostly being a boring, self-absorbed account of my (lack of) parenting skills.
Hopefully it will be humorous. I'll try to put the more "humorous" posts in one place, so you can skip to those.
This is not one of them. (Sorry!)
Beyond a record of my son's life, and mild amusement, the final hope is this blog will help other first-time fathers feel good about how they're going in some small way. I'm (slowly) learning that parenting is all a big mess, and we're trying to just trying to juggle our way through it.
There's an apt metaphor in there somewhere.
There may or may not be pictures. It's not as if there's a committee, I just haven't given it much thought.
Lastly, apologies in advance for the typing errors, typos, overuse of parentheses (hey!), etc. I'm writing fast because you never know when that boy will cry, or when New Mom will find out I'm blogging instead of doing dishes.
In fact, New Mom just told me there are ants in the kitchen, and "someone" left the freezer open a crack last night.
Who is this "someone" messing everything up?
Anyhow, enjoy the blog. I've got to go. Signing off as...
-ND (New Dad)
Friday, January 31, 2014
Watching the circumcision
Today I watched the circumcision of my son.
I did not expect the foreskin to be that stretchy.
Or perhaps the doctor was just extremely strong?
Anyhow, let's just say, it's not a bloodless procedure, but in the end, it beats the hell out of a C-section.
I did not expect the foreskin to be that stretchy.
Or perhaps the doctor was just extremely strong?
Anyhow, let's just say, it's not a bloodless procedure, but in the end, it beats the hell out of a C-section.
Friday, January 24, 2014
Baby slept in hospital bed with mom last night
Don't tell the nurses, but the baby slept in the hospital bed last night after the wife nursed him. And we both got 2 hours of glorious sleep.
Don't believe the nurses' lies - sleep with your baby on you in the hospital.
Seriously.
Okay, they're not really "lies," they're just being cautious...
Don't believe the nurses' lies - sleep with your baby on you in the hospital.
Seriously.
Okay, they're not really "lies," they're just being cautious...
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Nurses hate it when the baby falls asleep on you
The baby fell asleep on me for about 2 hours last night.
That was the first 2 hours I think I slept in the past 48 hours.
(You can tell by the way that I write the number "2" instead of the word "two" as I would usually do with more sleep.)
But the nurse came in and found us and told me it's dangerous to fall asleep with a baby on you.
I then realized it's the TOP instruction in their list of what to do with the baby. That list is on the bathroom door.
The top instruction is in BOLD.
I should take a picture of that list.
What if you don't go to the bathroom - then you don't learn how to take care of your baby? I'm unsure about their list-placing skills.
Meanwhile, all I can think of is a high school friend who used to fall asleep in a chair holding an open beer. He would never spill it, just hold it there the whole night.
If he can hold that beer, I can certainly hold a baby.
On second thought, maybe that's not the lesson to learn from his beer-holding prowess. Maybe there is no lesson. Maybe I just need sleep.
That was the first 2 hours I think I slept in the past 48 hours.
(You can tell by the way that I write the number "2" instead of the word "two" as I would usually do with more sleep.)
But the nurse came in and found us and told me it's dangerous to fall asleep with a baby on you.
I then realized it's the TOP instruction in their list of what to do with the baby. That list is on the bathroom door.
The top instruction is in BOLD.
I should take a picture of that list.
What if you don't go to the bathroom - then you don't learn how to take care of your baby? I'm unsure about their list-placing skills.
Meanwhile, all I can think of is a high school friend who used to fall asleep in a chair holding an open beer. He would never spill it, just hold it there the whole night.
If he can hold that beer, I can certainly hold a baby.
On second thought, maybe that's not the lesson to learn from his beer-holding prowess. Maybe there is no lesson. Maybe I just need sleep.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
From induction to C-section in twelve easy hours, and one stressful hour
[This post was written in the weeks following the birth of our son, because, well, those first few weeks are pretty darn tough.]
We check into the hospital at 6am for an induction as per the doctor's orders (wife was 2 weeks past due date, and also breech. We were still hoping for a vaginal delivery - this was one of the only doctor's who would do it. )
Induction of Pitocin begins at 9am.
Doctor checks her around then - seemed upset she wasn't induced beginning at 6am.
Nurse was so gruff, when she left the room we debated if she was autistic. It was decided she was borderline. Anyhow, we felt better about her gruffness (not her fault - autism's fault).
Pitocin level slowly raised throughout the morning. No contractions.
Doctor checks around noon. He gets upset at the nurse (but she's autistic, doc!) that the Pitocin wasn't raised faster.
Pitocin is raised by a non-autistic nurse.
Wife feels first small contractions in early afternoon.
Slowly increase levels of Pitocin throughout afternoon. We (yes, as if I'm also giving birth) get to level 11, contractions still small.
6pm - Doctor checks and finds meconium (baby poop) in the discharge. Tells us, "We've really tried everything for a vaginal birth. Baby is breech, but also no putting pressure on the cervix at all. I've never seen anything like it in 45 years of practicing medicine."
Me: So what's the plan?
Doctor: We're going to have to do a C-section. The baby has probably been ingesting meconium for a while now.
Me: Alright. I guess we'll have to do it. When should we do it, later tonight, or maybe tomorrow morning-
Doctor: No, now.
Me: Oh.
And like a Broadway show changing the stage while the curtain is down, a team of doctors and nurses came in and whisked my wife away what felt like seconds. It was seriously a sight to see, and I would have enjoyed it, too, had I not been scared out of my mind.
Autistic nurse tells me to get all our personal belonging out of the room, then meet her in the hallway where she'd give me some scrubs so I could be with my wife during the procedure. Tried to argue, as I didn't want to leave my wife. Went something like this:
Me: I'm just going to leave these bags.
Nurse: No, you need to take them. Now. We need to use this room for someone else. The cleaning crew will come in. Things could get stolen.
Me: I don't care if they're stolen.
Nurse: Get them out of here. You can't see your wife while she's getting her spinal block anyhow.
Me: How much time do I have before I can be with her?
Nurse: 10 minutes. You have to hurry.
Me: Wow.
So then I move. Fast.
Pack bags, nay, STUFF the SHIT out of bags, grab them ALL, then RUN them down three flights of stairs and across a driveway to the car - which, because we got there at 6am was parked close..
And..I'm BACK in just a few minutes. (But who really knows how fast - felt like an hour, b/c MY WIFE WAS HAVING A MAJOR OPERATION AND I WASN'T THERE)
But, I did make it, was with her through the surgery.
Won't say too much about the surgery, but I will say, when I saw our boy off to the side with a medical team, it was really, really hard believe he was real. It was like a magic trick - we're going put up this curtain and...VOILA! Here's a baby!
I didn't see him come out because I was hiding behind the curtain that was draped over my wife, but not long after he was out, they called me over (same room) and I got to be with our boy right after the NICU (important baby docs) pumped his lungs, wiped him down, and he cried. There were some long moments there before that cry, as I saw the team working on him in the corner of the room...
But boy, that cry. Surreal. You know a baby is coming, but you don't know what he'll sound like, feel like, smell like, until he's here.
Alright, so we had the kid. And now we're off!
We check into the hospital at 6am for an induction as per the doctor's orders (wife was 2 weeks past due date, and also breech. We were still hoping for a vaginal delivery - this was one of the only doctor's who would do it. )
Induction of Pitocin begins at 9am.
Doctor checks her around then - seemed upset she wasn't induced beginning at 6am.
Nurse was so gruff, when she left the room we debated if she was autistic. It was decided she was borderline. Anyhow, we felt better about her gruffness (not her fault - autism's fault).
Pitocin level slowly raised throughout the morning. No contractions.
Doctor checks around noon. He gets upset at the nurse (but she's autistic, doc!) that the Pitocin wasn't raised faster.
Pitocin is raised by a non-autistic nurse.
Wife feels first small contractions in early afternoon.
Slowly increase levels of Pitocin throughout afternoon. We (yes, as if I'm also giving birth) get to level 11, contractions still small.
6pm - Doctor checks and finds meconium (baby poop) in the discharge. Tells us, "We've really tried everything for a vaginal birth. Baby is breech, but also no putting pressure on the cervix at all. I've never seen anything like it in 45 years of practicing medicine."
Me: So what's the plan?
Doctor: We're going to have to do a C-section. The baby has probably been ingesting meconium for a while now.
Me: Alright. I guess we'll have to do it. When should we do it, later tonight, or maybe tomorrow morning-
Doctor: No, now.
Me: Oh.
And like a Broadway show changing the stage while the curtain is down, a team of doctors and nurses came in and whisked my wife away what felt like seconds. It was seriously a sight to see, and I would have enjoyed it, too, had I not been scared out of my mind.
Autistic nurse tells me to get all our personal belonging out of the room, then meet her in the hallway where she'd give me some scrubs so I could be with my wife during the procedure. Tried to argue, as I didn't want to leave my wife. Went something like this:
Me: I'm just going to leave these bags.
Nurse: No, you need to take them. Now. We need to use this room for someone else. The cleaning crew will come in. Things could get stolen.
Me: I don't care if they're stolen.
Nurse: Get them out of here. You can't see your wife while she's getting her spinal block anyhow.
Me: How much time do I have before I can be with her?
Nurse: 10 minutes. You have to hurry.
Me: Wow.
So then I move. Fast.
Pack bags, nay, STUFF the SHIT out of bags, grab them ALL, then RUN them down three flights of stairs and across a driveway to the car - which, because we got there at 6am was parked close..
And..I'm BACK in just a few minutes. (But who really knows how fast - felt like an hour, b/c MY WIFE WAS HAVING A MAJOR OPERATION AND I WASN'T THERE)
But, I did make it, was with her through the surgery.
Won't say too much about the surgery, but I will say, when I saw our boy off to the side with a medical team, it was really, really hard believe he was real. It was like a magic trick - we're going put up this curtain and...VOILA! Here's a baby!
I didn't see him come out because I was hiding behind the curtain that was draped over my wife, but not long after he was out, they called me over (same room) and I got to be with our boy right after the NICU (important baby docs) pumped his lungs, wiped him down, and he cried. There were some long moments there before that cry, as I saw the team working on him in the corner of the room...
But boy, that cry. Surreal. You know a baby is coming, but you don't know what he'll sound like, feel like, smell like, until he's here.
Alright, so we had the kid. And now we're off!
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