I write "Theory One" partly in jest - it's not as if I'm going to have a lot theories...it's just that, well, just in case I do come up with one or two more guesses (theories), I won't have to go back and change the title of this one. Fatherhood is about planning ahead, people.
Babies cry because they don't like being babies.
While they are cute to us, imagine being a baby. You don't know what's going on most of the time. You don't know where your food comes from, how to control your hands, or how they hell you ended sitting in a poo-filled diaper...
Not to mention, you don't know who these people are who keep sticking their face in your viewing area. "People, I'm trying to see the vent. Can't you see I'm staring at the air vent? Get your Jim Carrey impression-making face out of the way!"
The confusion, really, has to be the toughest part of being a baby. One minute you're on your back in a bed-like area. The next minute? Hoisted into the air, pants ripped off, and someone wiping your junk with a wet cloth.
And how do you know if that's a different wet cloth than the time before?
That type of confusion - that can cause a lot of crying.
Seriously.
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