The Lone White Guy At a Coffee Shop in Monterey Park on a Saturday Night

Thought this would be more productive than writing that screenplay and/or novel that I've been meaning to write.

Holy shit, there's a totally decent coffee / boba place near us called Honey Boba.  Despite the name, it's large, with a lot of seats and booths, plugs for plugging in your old-ass MacBook.  So many seats, like they're expecting an after-prom party to come in at any time.

The Mango Iced Tea is really sweet.  I should have done the old man thing, and just asked for a plain coffee.

Next time.

Some things about the boy, before I forget.

Drummed that ABC's song today.  For every letter he hit a drum...

Played some sounds on the trumpet.

Down, Da Da.  -What he likes to say when he wants to get down.

Likes Daddy to pick him up "Like a Monkey."  Meaning, grab by the feet, lift up, and swing left to right, like a pendulum.  It looks a little crazy and holy shit, New Mom does not like this at all.

Went poo the toilet once, back in Feb?  Early March?  Not since.  Only pee.  Loves going pee in the potty and then asking (nay, demanding), "Undies!"

So much more.  Can't believe we used to write down every little thing.  Feels like he does 10 new things every day, it's hard to keep track.  Oh wait, a few more.

Counts to 30...but misses 14 and 15 for some reason..

There was another one, but forgot, for now.  There must be some way to keep track while they are happening. (ie: the recorder on your phone...but who has time to relisten to that?  The notepad on your phone?)

Favorite book seems to vary.  He goes back and forth between his newer, more advanced books (The Little Mermaid), and his older, more baby ones.  (Goodnight Baby, Biscuit's Halloween).

Oh, movies.  He has two he knows:

1. Soccer Movie!  (Bend it Like Beckham)
2. Wall-E

But can't really sit through either for too long.  I think that's a good thing.

Baby is 2 years and 2 months old, tomorrow!

Haven't updated in a while, so just wanted to write something.  So this is rough.  I need to label this or something. (Done!)

It seems like there's some sort of milestone every day.  I think that's why I haven't updated.  Things are moving fast.

The funniest things he's said recently include:

"Daddy tired.  Mommy tired.  Only Baby Boy happy."  (Except he used his name instead of "Baby Boy")

To which I responded: Truer words have never been spoken, my son.

Eh, I'm not sure anyone will be interested in updates like these, except for the grandparents.

I recently told him that we used to call him Mr Wiggles, and now he calls himself Mr. Wiggles when he lies down to change a diaper.

Oh, big milestone earlier this month (or late last month?) - he sat on the toilet - with his potty cover - and went poo.

Well, according to New Mom, he did.

Well, according to New Mom, and the pictures she took, he did.

He hasn't done it since.  So maybe it scared him?

He is excited about getting some undies though.  I'm not sure why.  (What has New Mom told him about undies?)

Put on his own sock (just one) the other day.  That was surprising.

He can put on his own shoes...sometimes.  And sometimes they're on the right feet.

He likes saying things like:

"Baby boy is gardener!" when he works in the garden.

"Baby boy hit D" when he hits the dog.

"Baby boy kick D" when he kicks the dog.

"Go to Japanese Market"

"Momma come back / Daddy come back"


Phrases I wish he never learned:

"One more...." whatever it is, just one more won't hurt, Daddy.  C'mon.

"Ice cream." Two words that can never be spoken around him - no matter what time of day it is.


Will write more later.  Hopefully.

It's time to get dressed and get the day started.

(Written in 10 minutes, before breakfast, and getting the day started)


-ND

How to Prepare for a Baby - Tips for Guys about to be Fathers

Originally posted March 2014; Edited and updated October 2015

Are you going to be a father for the first time?  Congrats!

Are you preparing for first-time fatherhood by reading parenting blogs?  Good news!  This is the last thing you'll ever need to read before becoming a dad!

One more thing: Bad news!  All that isn't true.

But since you're here, this short list will help.


1. Practice doing everything with one hand.

When putting that baby down might result in a scream storm, you learn to adjust.

So start adjusting early! Cook, empty the trash, do laundry, play video games, open doors, DO EVERYTHING with just one hand.  Doesn't matter which hand.  In fact, practice with both.  I heard it's good for your brain. (Citation needed.)

ADVANCED PREPARATION: In the hand you're not using, carry a boom box that plays whatever music sounds like a screaming baby to you.  To me, it's country music.


2.  Learn to sing as many soothing, mellow songs as you can, a capella.

Because the last thing you want to be doing is fumbling your way through Sublime's SANTARIA at 3am, realizing that wait a second, this song is a about revenge killing, maybe I shouldn't be singing this to my baby.

ADVANCED PREPARATION: Learn to hum every song by Mozart. Doctors say it helps brain development.  Or at least, I think that's what they say.  See: Questions for Doctors About Music


3. Get in shape

Especially your back and core.  And endurance.

Do yoga, run, and buy a 15 lb medicine ball.  Work out with that sucker.  I mean, cradle it, carry all day. Pretend it's moving around in your arms, trying to escape.  Bounce with it while sitting on a fitness ball for at least an hour at 4 AM.

I mean, BOUNCE.  Like you mean it.  Like you're soothing a screaming baby who won't sleep for anything..

ADVANCED PREPARATION: Train yourself to get by on five hours of sleep a night or less.  Yes, I'm serious.


4. Build Up An Immunity to Screaming

Have you noticed screaming has come up a lot in these preparations?  Maybe it won't be the case with your kid, but in my experience, baby crying = baby screaming.  And I was not prepared.

So, you can program your iPod to play baby screams that periodically interrupt anything you're doing, or...

5. Babysit for Your Friends With Babies

Your friends will appreciate it, and you'll get some real, hands-on learning.  The last thing you want is to be in the hospital and asking a surly nurse to show you how to change your own son's diaper. **

ADVANCED PREPARATION: Ask a good friend / relatives if you can hang out with them while THEY watch the baby. Observe their advanced techniques.  See how they manage everything.  Take notes, ask them questions, and hey, still help out!

6. Finish All of Your Projects

Were you going to paint the house?  Organize your sock drawer?  Write that novel?  Learn Chinese? Now is the time to do anything you don't want to put on hold for 2 years.

Seriously.

And...that's it!  You're prepared to have that baby!

(Muhahahahahahahahahahaha)

-ND

----

* In all seriousness, if you're going to be a father, read these two books: WHAT TO EXPECT - THE FIRST YEAR and BE PREPARED - A PRACTICAL HANDBOOK FOR DADS.  Those links will take you to Amazon, but you can buy them anywhere, or find them used, or hey, I have a copy of each, if you are my actual friend*** let me know, and I'll give them to ya!

**It doesn't matter how nicely you say, "I've never done this before, can you show me?" the nurse will still look at you like you're the world's biggest idiot.  And essentially, compared to her, you are.

*** Facebook "friends" count!

10 Questions I Forgot to Ask the Baby's Doctor About Music

Originally published in September 2014.  Re-edited and "made funny" in September 2015.

This may become a series of posts called: Questions I Forgot to Ask the Doctor.  Or, it may become like so many failed series of posts on this site, nothing more than this post.  Enjoy!

During our last visit, our doctor told us, "Be sure to have the baby listen to music.  It's been shown it's good for brain development."  And then she left.

It was a good visit, but right after she left the room, I realized I had some questions.  Here are a few I didn't get to ask:

1. Is live music better than recorded music?  Is CD quality better than MP3 quality? Is there any advantage to vinyl?

2. When you say "music is good for brain development, do you mean all music except country?

3. If my baby is listening to an old CD that skips sometimes, will that mess with his brain?  Will he think that's the way music is supposed to be?

4. Does Muzak count as music?  If not, why is it nearly the same word?

5. They say Mozart helps develop the brain, but how many musicians have they experimented with?  What I mean is, the Pet Shop Boys have pretty complicated beats.  Did they test brain development with the Pet Shop Boys?  What about Erasure?  New Order?

6. Is it a problem if all the electronic music our baby listens to is from the 80s?

7a. If I'm tapping on the counter with my hands - I mean really well, like triplets and stuff - does that count as music?

7b.  What IS the difference between music and noise?

8.  That "Closing Time" song by Semisonic is really catchy.  I guess my question is, is it harmful to my baby if he hears the same song over and over again?  What if it's a mediocre song from the 90s?

9. If I'm singing to my baby, and I'm a little off key, will he develop an alternate scale?  Is that the same as learning another language....or better!?

10. Is there a certain music my baby should listen to that will guarantee he won't like country music when he's older?

Maybe it was better she left when she did.

-ND

10 Things I Never Said Before I Was a Parent

10 Things I Never Said Before I Was a Parent (That I Now Say ALL THE FREAKING TIME)

10. Don't bite the dog.

9.  Don't bite the dog in the butt.

8.  Don't let the dog lick your eating spoon.

7. Don't spank the dog with your eating spoon.

6. You have to wear pants when you go outside.

5. I'm pretty sure you have to wear pants when you go outside.

4. Go to sleep.  Everyone has to sleep.

3. I'm pretty sure everyone has to sleep.

2. Thank you for letting momma and daddy sleep past 7:00 am.

1. Don't worry.  It's only pee.*

-ND

---------------
* "It's only pee," must be one of the most common phrases now uttered in our household.  It's also one of the phrases that NEVER passed my lips before becoming a parent.  Even when we got a dog.

The 5 Best Written Children's Books for 6 Month Babies to 18 Month Old Children

The 5 Best Written Children's Books
(For Kids 6 months to 18 months)

A list based purely on writing.  Forthcoming lists* include "Best Illustrated Children's Books," "Best Story," "Most Catchy" "Best Children's Books For Parent's," "5 Books My Kid Loves That I Can't Stand," and more!

Dr. Seuss books are excluded from this list, because they are on another level.  Another level they're on.**

Basically these are the best written board books out there.  If you have a 6 month old baby, get them. You'll be reading them for at least a year. They also make great gifts.

1. LITTLE BLUE TRUCK - Alice Schertle and Jill McElmurry

Like good poetry, its rhymes feel natural and effortless, with each line moving the story along to its inevitable, rewarding conclusion.

2. THE GOING TO BED BOOK - Sandra Boynton

Sandra Boyton is, dare I say, the modern master of board books for babies.  With this one, Boynton has created a slow and gentle rhyme that goes through the bedtime routine.  In other words, it's the perfect book for going to bed. Thus, she gets bonus points for aptly naming her book as well.

3.  BIG RED BARN - Margaret Wise Brown and Felicia Bond

New Mom loves this book and considers Brown a true poet.  New Dad on the other hand, thought it was a little slow at first, but after eight or ten readings, oh yeah, I see what she means now.  Really, it's a good one.

4.  BEAR SNORES ON - Karma Wilson & Jane Chapman

Great rhyming in a cute story, with clever lines you'll find yourself repeating throughout the day. ("We can pop more corn, we can brew more tea!")  Especially if you're sleep deprived. (Who is typing these words?) 

5.  GOODNIGHT MOON - Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd

Yes, another Margaret Wise Brown book.  Did I mention New Mom considers her a great poet?

At first rereading of this classic, New Mom and I felt we had been duped.  Is this all there is to GOODNIGHT MOON?  One room, with descriptions of each item in the room?

After dozens of readings late at night, during the day, and any time baby boy was in the mood, we came to appreciate its well-crafted simplicity.

I mean, creating a classic by essentially describing what's in one room?  Now THAT takes some writing skills.

Seriously.

-ND

P.S.  Hope that list helps you get started - or fill in some gaps - with your children's book collection.  Of course, there are many books that nearly made the list, and so many great baby books out there.  There really are more "Best Of" lists in the works, but if you can't wait that long, drop me a line or comment.  I'm alway up for discussing kids' books.  Always.

-----

* The meaning of "forthcoming" should not be interpreted as if progress has been made in the creation of such lists, but in the sense that the titles of these list have been written in italics at the top of a blog post.

** Sorry. Turns out, it is NOT EASY to write like Seuss.  That's why he's the master.  Buy all his books for your kids today.  Seriously.

Just over Nineteen Months Old - A few things

Missed a few entries here. Realized I have six entries for 2015, and 43 for 2014.  

That first year, everything seemed important.  This year, well,, a lot of important things happen, and then you go to bed.

Wanted to record a few milestones.  The first:

MILESTONE TODAY BABY BOY AND NEW MOM DANCED IN THE DRIVEWAY WHILE TO NEW DAD PLAYING DRUMS

Did I mention I bought a drum set?  Probably.  It was about a year ago.  New Dad can barely keep a beat.  Baby boy plays too - emphasis on PLAYS.

A few milestones:

MILESTONE: Can say most of the colors  The colors were learned in this order:

Red

Blue

Green

Brown

Black

Purple

Yellow

Pink

White (just yesterday)

Still hasn't got "orange."  I wonder it that's always the last one kids learn?

Who knows.  Sure don't have time to read other blogs of new fathers... Which makes me wonder...who's reading this?

Kidding.  This is more of a journal.  

MILESTONE: Said his first 3-word sentence this weekend, which was, "Mommy read book."

That's "read" as in a command, such as, "Mommy read this book to me NOW!"

MILESTONE: Claps to songs and music.  Also acts out The Itsy-Bitsy Spider and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  Learned at daycare, we guess, unless the dog taught him it (unlikely).

Also, today, pooped in the tub for the first time.  Scared daddy, which scared him.  Then daddy tried to laugh it off and encourage the boy to poop in the potty next time.  "So close! Good job!  Almost pooped in potty!"  

The boy stopped crying, but I'm not sure he bought it.

-ND