How to Prepare for a Baby - Tips for Guys about to be Fathers

Originally posted March 2014; Edited and updated October 2015

Are you going to be a father for the first time?  Congrats!

Are you preparing for first-time fatherhood by reading parenting blogs?  Good news!  This is the last thing you'll ever need to read before becoming a dad!

One more thing: Bad news!  All that isn't true.

But since you're here, this short list will help.


1. Practice doing everything with one hand.

When putting that baby down might result in a scream storm, you learn to adjust.

So start adjusting early! Cook, empty the trash, do laundry, play video games, open doors, DO EVERYTHING with just one hand.  Doesn't matter which hand.  In fact, practice with both.  I heard it's good for your brain. (Citation needed.)

ADVANCED PREPARATION: In the hand you're not using, carry a boom box that plays whatever music sounds like a screaming baby to you.  To me, it's country music.


2.  Learn to sing as many soothing, mellow songs as you can, a capella.

Because the last thing you want to be doing is fumbling your way through Sublime's SANTARIA at 3am, realizing that wait a second, this song is a about revenge killing, maybe I shouldn't be singing this to my baby.

ADVANCED PREPARATION: Learn to hum every song by Mozart. Doctors say it helps brain development.  Or at least, I think that's what they say.  See: Questions for Doctors About Music


3. Get in shape

Especially your back and core.  And endurance.

Do yoga, run, and buy a 15 lb medicine ball.  Work out with that sucker.  I mean, cradle it, carry all day. Pretend it's moving around in your arms, trying to escape.  Bounce with it while sitting on a fitness ball for at least an hour at 4 AM.

I mean, BOUNCE.  Like you mean it.  Like you're soothing a screaming baby who won't sleep for anything..

ADVANCED PREPARATION: Train yourself to get by on five hours of sleep a night or less.  Yes, I'm serious.


4. Build Up An Immunity to Screaming

Have you noticed screaming has come up a lot in these preparations?  Maybe it won't be the case with your kid, but in my experience, baby crying = baby screaming.  And I was not prepared.

So, you can program your iPod to play baby screams that periodically interrupt anything you're doing, or...

5. Babysit for Your Friends With Babies

Your friends will appreciate it, and you'll get some real, hands-on learning.  The last thing you want is to be in the hospital and asking a surly nurse to show you how to change your own son's diaper. **

ADVANCED PREPARATION: Ask a good friend / relatives if you can hang out with them while THEY watch the baby. Observe their advanced techniques.  See how they manage everything.  Take notes, ask them questions, and hey, still help out!

6. Finish All of Your Projects

Were you going to paint the house?  Organize your sock drawer?  Write that novel?  Learn Chinese? Now is the time to do anything you don't want to put on hold for 2 years.

Seriously.

And...that's it!  You're prepared to have that baby!

(Muhahahahahahahahahahaha)

-ND

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* In all seriousness, if you're going to be a father, read these two books: WHAT TO EXPECT - THE FIRST YEAR and BE PREPARED - A PRACTICAL HANDBOOK FOR DADS.  Those links will take you to Amazon, but you can buy them anywhere, or find them used, or hey, I have a copy of each, if you are my actual friend*** let me know, and I'll give them to ya!

**It doesn't matter how nicely you say, "I've never done this before, can you show me?" the nurse will still look at you like you're the world's biggest idiot.  And essentially, compared to her, you are.

*** Facebook "friends" count!

10 Questions I Forgot to Ask the Baby's Doctor About Music

Originally published in September 2014.  Re-edited and "made funny" in September 2015.

This may become a series of posts called: Questions I Forgot to Ask the Doctor.  Or, it may become like so many failed series of posts on this site, nothing more than this post.  Enjoy!

During our last visit, our doctor told us, "Be sure to have the baby listen to music.  It's been shown it's good for brain development."  And then she left.

It was a good visit, but right after she left the room, I realized I had some questions.  Here are a few I didn't get to ask:

1. Is live music better than recorded music?  Is CD quality better than MP3 quality? Is there any advantage to vinyl?

2. When you say "music is good for brain development, do you mean all music except country?

3. If my baby is listening to an old CD that skips sometimes, will that mess with his brain?  Will he think that's the way music is supposed to be?

4. Does Muzak count as music?  If not, why is it nearly the same word?

5. They say Mozart helps develop the brain, but how many musicians have they experimented with?  What I mean is, the Pet Shop Boys have pretty complicated beats.  Did they test brain development with the Pet Shop Boys?  What about Erasure?  New Order?

6. Is it a problem if all the electronic music our baby listens to is from the 80s?

7a. If I'm tapping on the counter with my hands - I mean really well, like triplets and stuff - does that count as music?

7b.  What IS the difference between music and noise?

8.  That "Closing Time" song by Semisonic is really catchy.  I guess my question is, is it harmful to my baby if he hears the same song over and over again?  What if it's a mediocre song from the 90s?

9. If I'm singing to my baby, and I'm a little off key, will he develop an alternate scale?  Is that the same as learning another language....or better!?

10. Is there a certain music my baby should listen to that will guarantee he won't like country music when he's older?

Maybe it was better she left when she did.

-ND

10 Things I Never Said Before I Was a Parent

10 Things I Never Said Before I Was a Parent (That I Now Say ALL THE FREAKING TIME)

10. Don't bite the dog.

9.  Don't bite the dog in the butt.

8.  Don't let the dog lick your eating spoon.

7. Don't spank the dog with your eating spoon.

6. You have to wear pants when you go outside.

5. I'm pretty sure you have to wear pants when you go outside.

4. Go to sleep.  Everyone has to sleep.

3. I'm pretty sure everyone has to sleep.

2. Thank you for letting momma and daddy sleep past 7:00 am.

1. Don't worry.  It's only pee.*

-ND

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* "It's only pee," must be one of the most common phrases now uttered in our household.  It's also one of the phrases that NEVER passed my lips before becoming a parent.  Even when we got a dog.

The 5 Best Written Children's Books for 6 Month Babies to 18 Month Old Children

The 5 Best Written Children's Books
(For Kids 6 months to 18 months)

A list based purely on writing.  Forthcoming lists* include "Best Illustrated Children's Books," "Best Story," "Most Catchy" "Best Children's Books For Parent's," "5 Books My Kid Loves That I Can't Stand," and more!

Dr. Seuss books are excluded from this list, because they are on another level.  Another level they're on.**

Basically these are the best written board books out there.  If you have a 6 month old baby, get them. You'll be reading them for at least a year. They also make great gifts.

1. LITTLE BLUE TRUCK - Alice Schertle and Jill McElmurry

Like good poetry, its rhymes feel natural and effortless, with each line moving the story along to its inevitable, rewarding conclusion.

2. THE GOING TO BED BOOK - Sandra Boynton

Sandra Boyton is, dare I say, the modern master of board books for babies.  With this one, Boynton has created a slow and gentle rhyme that goes through the bedtime routine.  In other words, it's the perfect book for going to bed. Thus, she gets bonus points for aptly naming her book as well.

3.  BIG RED BARN - Margaret Wise Brown and Felicia Bond

New Mom loves this book and considers Brown a true poet.  New Dad on the other hand, thought it was a little slow at first, but after eight or ten readings, oh yeah, I see what she means now.  Really, it's a good one.

4.  BEAR SNORES ON - Karma Wilson & Jane Chapman

Great rhyming in a cute story, with clever lines you'll find yourself repeating throughout the day. ("We can pop more corn, we can brew more tea!")  Especially if you're sleep deprived. (Who is typing these words?) 

5.  GOODNIGHT MOON - Margaret Wise Brown and Clement Hurd

Yes, another Margaret Wise Brown book.  Did I mention New Mom considers her a great poet?

At first rereading of this classic, New Mom and I felt we had been duped.  Is this all there is to GOODNIGHT MOON?  One room, with descriptions of each item in the room?

After dozens of readings late at night, during the day, and any time baby boy was in the mood, we came to appreciate its well-crafted simplicity.

I mean, creating a classic by essentially describing what's in one room?  Now THAT takes some writing skills.

Seriously.

-ND

P.S.  Hope that list helps you get started - or fill in some gaps - with your children's book collection.  Of course, there are many books that nearly made the list, and so many great baby books out there.  There really are more "Best Of" lists in the works, but if you can't wait that long, drop me a line or comment.  I'm alway up for discussing kids' books.  Always.

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* The meaning of "forthcoming" should not be interpreted as if progress has been made in the creation of such lists, but in the sense that the titles of these list have been written in italics at the top of a blog post.

** Sorry. Turns out, it is NOT EASY to write like Seuss.  That's why he's the master.  Buy all his books for your kids today.  Seriously.

Just over Nineteen Months Old - A few things

Missed a few entries here. Realized I have six entries for 2015, and 43 for 2014.  

That first year, everything seemed important.  This year, well,, a lot of important things happen, and then you go to bed.

Wanted to record a few milestones.  The first:

MILESTONE TODAY BABY BOY AND NEW MOM DANCED IN THE DRIVEWAY WHILE TO NEW DAD PLAYING DRUMS

Did I mention I bought a drum set?  Probably.  It was about a year ago.  New Dad can barely keep a beat.  Baby boy plays too - emphasis on PLAYS.

A few milestones:

MILESTONE: Can say most of the colors  The colors were learned in this order:

Red

Blue

Green

Brown

Black

Purple

Yellow

Pink

White (just yesterday)

Still hasn't got "orange."  I wonder it that's always the last one kids learn?

Who knows.  Sure don't have time to read other blogs of new fathers... Which makes me wonder...who's reading this?

Kidding.  This is more of a journal.  

MILESTONE: Said his first 3-word sentence this weekend, which was, "Mommy read book."

That's "read" as in a command, such as, "Mommy read this book to me NOW!"

MILESTONE: Claps to songs and music.  Also acts out The Itsy-Bitsy Spider and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  Learned at daycare, we guess, unless the dog taught him it (unlikely).

Also, today, pooped in the tub for the first time.  Scared daddy, which scared him.  Then daddy tried to laugh it off and encourage the boy to poop in the potty next time.  "So close! Good job!  Almost pooped in potty!"  

The boy stopped crying, but I'm not sure he bought it.

-ND

A Good Day

I realize that I don't often write about good days.  Maybe writing about them or recording them in some way will help to understand what makes days good, and how to have more of them.

Today was a good day.  It was a Saturday.

And yet, we all still have colds.  Mostly just coughs now.

Took boy to the library in the morning to give New Mom time to nap.  She didn't sleep well last night.

Walked into the library - boy walked on his own, I still had the stroller.  At the library, read a few books, was in and out of the stroller - mostly out.

Played well - shared Lego toys with the other kids!

A dad asked me if we were here for the puppet show.  I do not get asked that every day.

And so we went to the puppet show, which was actually a marionette show by a very flaming marionette-master.  Alright, puppet master.

Good show.  Pirates.  Arrr.

Boy stayed for 30 minutes.  The got up and walked out the door in the middle of it.

Went to the store.  He was good in the cart.

Home, New Mom was rested and had lunch ready!

He napped a little late, but still went down for about an hour.  New Mom let me sleep for over an hour.

Went for a walk in the stroller with the dog.  Boy got out sometime in the middle, but then got back in.

New mom bought dumplings for dinner!

Boy went to sleep right at 8.  Nice job, boy.

Tomorrow is another day.  I hear New Mom coughing upstairs.  These coughs are hard to beat.

-ND

Happy 18 Months, Baby boy!

Happy birthday, baby boy!

On this day, you are 18 month old.  I'm going to start counting in years now.

Happy 1.5 years, baby boy!

Today, we're all sick.

New dad has pink eye.

Baby boy is recovering from a cold.

He previously had pink eye.

New mom is almost recovered, but still has a cough.

Baby boy said "back" and "black" today, but now writing that, new dad is not sure if those were the same words...

Anyhow, I steal some eye drops from the baby boy and go to bed to try and beat this cold.  New mom volunteered to sleep in the other room because of her cough, so new dad can get some more rest.

New mom is the best.

-ND

New Words

Most recently, the baby boy has said, "red."

Sometimes that means the color.  Other times, you point to something that is NOT red, for example, something that is clearly blue, and he says, "Red."

The funniest word he says is "Cat," because he says is high, with a British accent.  We are not sure why.

For the record, words he can currently say, at 14+ months of age include:

-Red
-Chssss (Cheese)
-Awa (Agua = water)
-Cat
-Ball
-Ba(loon)
-Ba(nana)
-Mama
-Daddy

14 Month Birthday - Milestones, etc.

The boy is 14 months today, but as evidenced by the lack of a "13 Month Birthday - Milestones" we've kinda stopped keeping track, though new mom and I did point it out to someone today.

"How old is your boy?"
"Fourteen months.  Today"
"He's tall!"

That's the main comment we still get - He's tall!  It used to be, "He's long!" and we still get that too, but since the boy is now "cruising" and standing while leaning on things, it seems more appropriate to call him tall.

14 month milestones

Says "mama" or "mom," but almost always follows it with "dada" or "dad" or "daddy."

Will say the "Ba" in "banana" when prompted by either saying the word "banana" or by showing him a picture of a banana, or, when appropriate, a real banana.

Oh, most recent milestone is saying "cat," which sounds like "caught" and/or the way a British person says "cat."

Is my son British?

I suppose, technically, if you go back far enough on my mother's side, yes, yes he is.

But he should be speaking like an American by now.  Seriously.

Other milestones:

-Ate his first smoked salmon, raspberries, and blackberries today, courtesy of Howard and Joy.  (Thanks guys!)

-Eats a lot of things.  Uses a fork sometimes on his own.

-Love his baby Batman cup.  (Thanks Joey!)

-Can touch his nose or your nose, when asked.  Also, can touch your eyes, mouth, ears, hair, head.

Lastly, pull-up style diapers have literally changed our lives.  The kid used to hate lying down and being changed.  Got some diapers that just slide up.  They're not "pull-ups" officially, but damn if you can't put them on with him standing up.

I need to revise the posts on this blog.

That is all.

-ND

First Words... Sort of

A few days ago, New Mom figured out that the boy can say three words when asked.  They are:

1. Daddy
2. Mommy
3. Banana

That's right, "banana."

New Mom also got him to mutter "feiji" - which means "airplane" in Chinese - the other day while the boy was fading in an out of sleep.

We're counting it as his first Chinese word, conscious or not conscious.

-ND

1 Year Birthday - Milestones

Wow, it was one year ago today that we got up at 5am, went to the hospital, went through induction then C-Section and, well, read that story in the post "From Induction to C-section.."

One year old!  We made it!  He made it!

At one year, the baby boy:

Stands, but doesn't walk.  He "cruises."

Says gibberish that sounds a lot like "Da da" and "Ma ma" and "Ba ba" with the "Ba ba" being directed at a banana.

Eats a lot of solid things and even use the spoon and fork...on occasion, very briefly, before we just feed it to him ourselves.

Breast feeds a little.

Climbs up on the couch and bed, but can't get down.

Crawls FAST.

Loves certain books more than others, like BEAR ON A BIKE and FIVE UGLY MONSTERS.  But he'll probably get tired of those in a week or two and love something else, because that's what we've noticed him doing...

He plays by himself a little bit longer than he used to.

Points at a lot of things.  Like, you can say, "Where's the airplane?" and he'll point at the airplane in the sky.  (Sure glad we live under a flight path!)

Takes a bath sitting up.

Has 8 teeth?  I think?

It's late.  We went for a walk, then to the library, then Facetime with New Dad's sister and parents, then he ate, then he napped, then woke up and played drums, ate again, went for a walk with New Mom's parents, then to dinner with New Mom's parents, and back home to eat the cake New Mom made.

Somewhere in there, there were diapers.

I don't remember the diapers as much as I remember the screaming.

Oh, he still doesn't like to have his diaper changed.

Seriously.

-ND